How to forgive a cheater

Tip 11: forgive does not mean forget

Maybe we could make it work? Maybe we were not obliged to end this? It would be like Samuel's cooking. Edible, but not enjoyable.

"Let's... just order something, okay? Maybe some pasta at Le Patio?" We could still find a compromise.

Although I was angry at my mother, there was one point I had to give her. Was divorce a good idea when we had a baby? Akua said as long as we both had Clara's happiness in mind, we would always make the best decision.

"Alright, then!"

As he was ordering, I sat on the couch and observed him. He had this little twitching at the corner of his mouth, telling me that things were not going his way, but he was giving in to please me. There has been a lot of giving in with Samuel. I used to feel bad whenever I noticed that small twitch. At least I could say he did his best to make me happy at some point. I guess he loved me.

Why did he love me? I never asked. Whenever I read or watched a romance and that question was brought up, I always found it pointless. Wasn't it enough to know they were loved?

To tell the truth, I was just trying not to ask that question. Because back then I was afraid of the answer.

"I guess I can finally ask you why you agreed to date me and didn't pursue your feelings for Nina?"

Samuel raised his head and looked at me with a puzzled expression. I know it was random, but all of a sudden, I wanted to know. He first went back to his phone, I guess to complete the order, before sitting beside me.

"Why I decided to date you?" he started playing with his ring. A ring that could be gone anytime soon. "To be honest, at first I just loved the fact that you loved me. With Nina, things looked complicated. Would I ever be able to get her attention? And if I did, how long would that last? But with you, everything was easier. You made it clear that you were interested in me, and you were also quite a beautiful girl, both inside and outside. So I might not have loved you the way you did at first, but as time went by, I discovered unexpected sides of you and I slowly fell in love."

So basically, I was an easy path, a plan B. Deep down, I knew that. And I thought I would not be able to bear hearing it. But finally I was fine. So maybe I could be fine with everything else?

I smiled and nodded at the thought. Samuel gently grabbed my hands and made me face him. His serious eyes were dived into mine and I expected the shivers. They didn't come.

"Missa, I love you. I deeply, sincerely, so, so much love you. Through the years, I've been falling more and more in love, and I don't want to lose you."

He came down on his knees before continuing.

"I know I made a big mistake, and I will never forgive myself for that. I will probably pay the price for the rest of my life, but... If there is the slightest chance that you could one day forgive me, I will make sure I live my life to redeem myself."

He was being sincere, I could tell. Just as he ended up telling those cheesy lines when he used to find them useless, I knew he would do all he could to make up for what happened. So maybe I could give us a chance? Maybe we could still make it work? If both parties were willing to, maybe we could move on?

I ran my hand on his cheeks, and he leaned his head against it. Forgiving him? I knew it was possible. In fact, it would probably be the easiest thing to do.

I leaned forward until our faces were an inch away from each other. His breath was fresh and smelt like a mint candy. Samuel always had one of those with him. 'To be always ready to kiss me', he said. He came closer. Slowly, as to give me the possibility to get away. But I didn't. And his lips joined mine, in maybe one of the best kisses we'd ever had. To tell the truth, there was no such thing as a bad kiss with Samuel. He sure was good at it.

Is it the way he kissed Nina that day?

One of his hands slowly moved up my thighs, slipping under my skirt, while the other subtly caressed one of my breasts, his thumb playing with my nipple. That was enough to get me thrilled. Samuel's hands were not simply beautiful, they were utmost skilful, knowing where to go, how hard or how gentle to be... Ever since our first time, he'd always known how to please me.

Did he succeed in finding Nina's soft spots as easily?

His lips moved to my neck, leaving a trail of kisses on their way. He lightly pulled my shirt down, uncovering my cleavage for his lips to continue their exploration. Under my skirt, his hand had reached the edge of my underwear. Not even two minutes, I was already getting wet.

How long did it take him to get Nina soaked?

Where did his fingers touch her? Where did his mouth go? Did he moan out her name the way he used to do with me? Did he look straight into her eyes as he climaxed?

My desire quickly died as all those questions and imageries filled my mind. I suddenly pushed him away and walked towards the window, where a fresh wind blew away any lingering desire. I crossed my arms and shivered.

"I'm Sorry, Missa!" Samuel stood up and cautiously came closer. "Was that too early? I didn't mean to rush you."

Was that too fast? Probably. But was that ever going to be possible again? Would I one day be able to bear his touch without thinking about him with another woman? With Nina? If so, how long would it take?

I was willing to try, but... If there was no more salt, would the food even be edible? We could end up creating our own hell, and I didn't want that to happen. I didn't want Clara to be the only thing keeping our marriage up. I didn't want to put that burden over her shoulders. Wouldn't a scattered family be better than an unhappy family?

"Samuel," I had to say it. Dragging things any further would only make more harm. But I couldn't bring myself to say it. I didn't know how to say it.

"The break will never come to an end, huh?" His voice sounded resigned.

I turned around to face him. He was smiling, but this was the saddest smile I had ever seen. And in his eyes, I could see he knew what I was going to say. "Let's get a divorce."