Chapter 9

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Recommended songs: Do I wanna know? by Artic Monkeys, Smack a bitch by Rico Nasty, All I want is you by Miguel ft. J. Cole

*Ash's perspective*

For nearly two months, I’ve tried to rein in my attraction for Azaria. I enjoyed getting to know her and it turns out we have many things in common.

We both have parent issues, we both have similar views morally, and we both have ambitions outside of high school that are important to us.

I didn’t tell her that my ambitions are mainly because of my dad forcing me to partner CEO with my brother. Who in my opinion, doesn’t even need me to lead the company with him.

My older brother, Micheal Knight, is the next CEO after dad retires in two years. He is well beyond prepared to take over and I would be a hindrance to his success. My dad believes I will get better leadership skills once I’m older but I have a hard time believing him.

I’m well aware of my impulsiveness and not being able to retain information if I’m bored. I don’t like the idea of an office job. The stress of the job itself and the responsibility to run a whole enterprise is a bit much for someone who has ADHD.

I’m actually good at working with my hands and I would much rather be an engineer. With our expansion in the car dealership industry, I told my dad I could be more useful in that field.

My dad just gets furious every time I bring it up and the number of intense arguments we’ve had over it just gives me a headache. I don’t even want to think about it any longer since today our football team has a game against Southampton for the homecoming game.

I’m preparing for it to be a close game because both teams are equally skilled and competitive. Not to sound cocky, but ever since I’ve been on the team as the quarterback, we’ve won against Southampton every year. I’m not even worried about the game to be honest.

I’m more worried about my relationship with Azaria. I’ve been ghosting her for two weeks because I can’t possibly be friends with her. My desire for her is all-consuming the more I continue to get to know her.

She is emotionally and mentally intelligent. She has a cute sense of humor that makes me genuinely laugh. The way she lights up about things she’s passionate about, even when we’re texting, is admirable.

She is so easy-going, making it easy to want to talk to her all day and every day. We have a lot of playful banter and she is so easy to tease that it’s adorable. She is just so kind and understanding and it just makes me want to kiss her every time we talk.

I can’t continue to pretend that there isn’t a connection between us and not just a physical one either. I can’t really explain what's going on between us. All I know is that there is something that keeps me drawn to her, like an invisible tide pulling me closer to her.

I can’t get her out of my mind and it’s driving me crazy. It hurts being away from her and the crazy part is the fact that we haven’t even known each other for that long.

Not counting our friendship we had when we were kids. We’re two different people now and she still doesn’t know me from childhood. She is honestly still too good for me now as she was back then.

It’s the reason why I’ve tried to distance myself from her because I know she doesn’t want a relationship right now. Azaria told me that she’s trying to better her grades to get into LAU, which happens to be the college I plan on attending as well.

She has expressed wanting an emotional connection and not just a purely physical one. I understand that so I tried to continue a friendly relationship with her to honestly get to know her better.

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