There's No Such Thing as Second Chances

It will be her

"God, would you keep it down! You're going to give the neighbours a heart attack" Jason rolled his eyes and stepped inside the house, clearly not bothered by my outburst.

I followed him in and looked around what used to be my home. The place looked the same but was lacking any of the warmth that we used to share together.

Gone was any trace of me in the house. If anything, it looked like someone was just moving in and starting out.

I felt the pang again and pushed it back down. I wasn't feeling like myself lately and this nauseating feeling kept returning and creeping up more and more often.

"You didn't answer my question. What the fuck are you doing here and where is Charlie" I slammed the door behind me and sat down on one of the chairs in the living area.

"She's gone." Jason shrugged and sat down across from me, "and I'm here to shut off the water and take care of a few things she asked me to do before she left,"

I could see he was enjoying himself in this role a bit too much.

"Stop with the bullshit. Where is she? And why are you shutting of the water?" I pressed a little harder. My emotions were all over the place and I felt like I was about to explode.

"She left town for a while and I'll be taking care of the house while she's gone. You weren't supposed to come by until after Tuesday" he shrugged again and began rubbing his neck, something he would do whenever he got uncomfortable

"I see, and when is she coming back?" I glared at him and waited for an answer.

"Look man, I'm not trying to be rude. We've been friends since we were five and I think of you as my brother, but you have no right to ask where Charlie is. You left her on your anniversary and served her with divorce papers. You have a baby on the way and your focus should be there instead of here. She made it clear that she doesn't want to see or talk to you and you made your choice when you picked Helena. So why are you here?" His face was giving something away and it became clear as day. He cared about Charlie, and not in the way a simple good friend would care. There was something else there.

Before I could talk myself out of it, I got off the chair and lunged towards Jason. The chair he was sitting on toppled over and I landed on top of him with a loud thud. Taking the opportunity, I threw a few punches towards his face before he overpowered me and pinned me down to the ground.

He was always bigger and stronger and I knew that before I attacked him, but i took my shot and I felt it was worth it.

After about thirty seconds he released his hold on me and pulled himself up and off the floor.

"If you make me chose it's going to be Charlie" he numbed while using the sleeve of his shirt to wipe the blood from his lip, "and the way I see it, you don't have too many people left in your corner. Leave before you do something else you'll regret."

He took one last look at me before stepping out into the backyard and leaving me alone.

I debated following him out but decided against it. One outburst was enough and I didn't think our friendship could survive another one.

Taking advantage of the moment of privacy he had given me, I walked from room to room and took it all in.

She truly did want to erase me from her memory and I couldn't blame her.  I didn't even know when things started to fall apart or when I decided I was better off without her.

I made my way over to the boxes she left and peeked inside them. I could see she wrapped some of my sports memorabilia in bubble wrap and gently placed them in to avoid any damage. She didn't have to do that but she did. 

I took out a few things but placed them back in. I couldn't take any of the stuff with me even if I wanted to. Helena would never allow it.

She was already insecure about my breakup and figured I left because of the baby and not because I actually wanted to be with her or chose her.

No matter how many times I tried to convince her other wise, she wouldn't believe it. A part of me thought that maybe I didn't believe it either.

It's harder to sell something if you're not actually buying it yourself. 

I took one last look at my previous life and walked out the door.

I got to see my house but didn't get to see Charlie. That thought left an empty feeling inside me that I tried to shake off.

I needed to go to the baby furniture store to meet Helena but couldn't do so with all this baggage that I was clearly wearing.

I needed to man up as her and the baby were counting on me.

I made the right choice.

I repeated those words, over and over, as I made my way back to the car.