Endymion

Part 3: Anguish

Some shape of beauty moves away the pall

 From our dark spirits. Such the sun, the moon, 

Trees old and young, sprouting a shady boon 

For simple sheep ; and such are daffodils

(Endymion)

-John keats

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"I have always searched for reasons to not love you, to let go of my love towards you. But I realised that I can't do that anymore, for I'm giving myself a great deal of pain that'd kill me. Can I be selfish just for once? I want your love, all for myself, for I may not breathe without you."

Jimin who said this with all his might, tears threatening to fall off the crescent like eyes, knew that eloping from the situation he is in, is the best choice. And that's what he did. He stormed into the rain, without muttering a single word to the other, and let his salty tears mingle with the pure rain that fell on his animated figure.

Jungkook was in state of utter confusion, bewilderness, and mostly anguish. Was his hyung in love with someone else? Someone who doesn't reciprocate their feelings? That's the question he had, which were left unanswered by the older. He wanted to follow him, wherever his Jimin went, and make him pour out all his emotions to Jungkook; like the rain, which is able to cry out easily, unlike humans; but he was mature enough to know that this isn't the time.

He sighed, feeling the most helpless he has ever been, and averted his gaze back into the rain, that seemed to have lost it's intensity than that of before; while Jungkook here, seemed to have lost interest in the rain. 

He then let out a huge sigh, which came out more like a groan, and traced the path that Jimin did, into the house, where he was greeted by his oldest hyung of the group, all worried about him. "Kook? What were you doing in the rain?  See? You're wet! Do you want to catch a cold..?"

The word 'Kook' was enough for Jungkook to divert his thoughts back to Jimin. He wondered if the older have dried himself, had a nice hot water bath and had something hot to drink so that he doesn't catch cold himself. Jungkook swiftly replied, "I'll make sure to bathe and have a nice hot chocolate."; and excused himself to his room, leaving Jin confused at maknae's starange and new acts.

 All he took was ten minutes, to have a nice bath, and prepare Jimin and himself cups of hot chocolate, and dragged his feet to Jimin's room.

He called out in a low voice to his hyung, as his hands were occupied with the cups, but got no reply. He came out a little louder, but still failed to gain the older's attention. He then fumbled a little, trying to hold the cups with one hand, and opened the door with the other.

He was greeted with a Jimin staring out at the window; then rain which seemed to have ceased, formed a colourful band of rainbow, the lights of which penetrate through the glass windows to which the older was leaning on, sitting looking up at the rainbow for a long time. He was still in his wet clothes, which was enough to worry the younger.

"hyung..."; he said as he carefully sat next to his hyung and handed him over the cup; "drink it up. It's hot chocolate. And after that you're gonna bathe. You can't say no."

"When did my Kook become so thoughtful about me, huh?"; He said as he carefully placed his plump lips on the cup, checking the temperature of the drink. 

'Kook'. Jungkook smiled. 'Kook'. It's his and Jimin's thing, it seems. The way these words escaped the other's lips, seemed to be different than others.

"I was anguished if you're gonna catch a cold." He said, a warm smile still decorating his face. "That's a new word from your vocabulary that I hear." Jimin pointed out, making Jungkook make a bunny pout. "I improve too, ya know."; He sassed, making Jimin giggle.

Jungkook alone, possesses this power. To make Jimin happy in whatever situation he's in. 

Everyone has their own ways of moving away their gloominess, to seek their remedy. To some it's the sun, while to some it's the moon, or maybe, the trees, fully grown big ones, or the young, sprouting ones. For a simple organism like sheep, the happiness it receives may be from the precious golden daffodils. 

But for Jimin, it's Jungkook.

Jimin averted his gaze back to the rainbow, which is now shining on both the boys, the colours of nature adding up their beauty. Jungkook sipped a bit of his drink and called out in a soft, gracious tone, "Jimin-ssi?"; making Jimin reply, "Jimin-Hyung".

"Jimin-ssi~" He said in a playful, serious tone, and snickered, making Jimin reciprocate the action too. "Jimin-ssi. I- Uh well. It's a bit...Awkward to ask you this... But..."; Jimin cut Jungkook off, and said with a serious tone, "You'd never need to feel shy while talking to me, about anything, okay? I'll always be there for you..."

"...Even if you're not here for me."; He mumbled the last sentence in solemn voice, which went unnoticed  by the younger. "Thanks, Jimin-ssi."; He said, giving Jimin a grateful smile, really appreciating the words of the older.

"Well, Jimin-ssi... I... You told me, yesterday, that I don't understand what love is... well, you must have a reason to have said those words to me... I...  can you... tell me what you meant when you said that? can you teach me... what love is..? True love is..? I want to... know the reason why...I don't find right people... I don't think... I feel comfortable with anyone else... I... You know it... I left my parents at a very young age... I didn't... Have any sort of guidance from them towards these...things...From my parents..."; Jungkook said, scratching his nape in embarrassment, a tint of sadness decorating his divine face, to have missed a crucial part of his life with his parents.

Jungkook remembered the instances, sited long back, when Jimin helped him out when he was crying as he missed his parents. He couldn't ever feel as comfortable as he is with Jimin, with anyone else.

Jimin, on the other hand, was caught totally off guard. He didn't know if this is good or bad for him. He didn't know how things will turn out for him.

He may be able to make Jungkook realise what love is. He could give him a part of his love to him while doing so. But what if... What if Jungkook found his love in another person? What if his love remains unrequited for forever? Is he allowed to be selfish for his love, for he wants all of Jungkook's love for himself? 

Jimin decided against being selfish. He's going to give Jungkook his happiness, even if Jungkook's happiness does not lie with him.

Jimin remembered the words that he dedicated to Jungkook this morning, the quote by John keats;

'...My Love is selfish. I cannot breathe without you'. 

He decided to go for the second option that he had. If it gets too hard for him to breathe in this world;  that is too cold, too deprived of love, too harsh, too painful; he decided to stop doing it, if it means that Jungkook could get his euphoria. 

And that's how much Jimin loves Jungkook. 

Beautiful, isn't it? Love, something so beautiful, so pristine in it's presence, is capable of brustricating a person's heart with time; something too treacherous, menacing and harsh on a person's existence; yet, love is what we all seek for.

Jimin took in a deep sigh, after his deep thoughts, and muttered, with a smile, which isn't fake, but a bit defeated,

"Yes. It'd be my...pleasure."