7 𝙢𝙞𝙣𝙪𝙩𝙚𝙨 𝙞𝙣 𝙝𝙚𝙡𝙡 - Matt Sturniolo

𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐞 - 𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐝𝐨 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐭 𝐦𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐭 𝐟𝐫𝐨𝐦 𝐲𝐨𝐮?

"What, Matt? What the fuck could you possibly want from me now?" I pulled myself away from his grasp.

My waist immediately became cold.

We stood on my porch, face to face. The dark clouds consumed the sky in anticipation of rain.

"I don't know. What do you want me to want from you?"

The question was really confusing to me, and I honestly didn't know how to respond. I have never felt more emotions towards someone in the span of a day than I have with Matt. This is the most bipolar relationship I've ever had with anyone. The thing is- I'm not crying because of anything Matt said - I'm used to the rude comments. I'm crying over the disappointment of expecting something from him.

"I just want to be left alone for a bit, okay?" I finally replied.

He nodded his head and I turned to walk inside.

"Wait" Matt retorted. "I'm sorry- if I did anything to hurt you."

I gave him a quick smile and retreated into my house. When I heard the door shut behind me, the rain began to fall. Once the rain had started, it didn't stop- and it was falling hard. I'm so glad nobody was home to see me in that state.

I wished I could have my best friends there to support me but as much as I didn't want it, I needed to process my own feelings and try to figure out why I've been so emotional. So, I journaled it.

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🇸 🇹 🇪 🇱 🇱 🇦 🇱 🇺 🇳 🇦 '🇸  🇩 🇮 🇦 🇷 🇾 

Sunday, October 15th - 12:07 pm

This week, everything has been so confusing. Let me try to make a long story short.

On Thursday I got partnered with Matt on a project and we almost kissed. That night I slept over at his house, had a dream about us kissing, had a panic attack, and then slept IN HIS BED. Saturday, he overheard me telling Liz about the dream and then we actually fucking made out at the party. My ex forced me to kiss him, Matt beat him to the ground, called the police, and drove me to his house where I wore his pyjamas and slept in his bed once again. Woke up to Matt being the same rude person he was before, right when I thought there might be something there. Then he turns back to his nice and supportive mode when I'm crying. He only cares about me when I'm going through something, and I'm sick of waiting for him to change. I don't want to give him any more chances.

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Right as I closed my journal, my phone started ringing. It was Liz Facetiming me.

"Hey Lizzy" I said after quickly wiping the tears from my face.

"Hi- are you okay?"

"Not really but I don't think I feel like talking about it."

"That's okay. Take your time. I just wanted to ask how your night was. I haven't talked to you since you went home with Maaattttt" she smirked.

"First of all, don't say his name like that. In fact, don't say it at all right now. Second of all, it was horrible."

I caught Liz up on everything up to last night, excluding the parts about me and matt kissing. I'm not ready to talk about today until I've figured out how I feel about it. I don't want anyone's opinions.

"I don't wanna talk about myself anymore. How was your night?" I asked.

"Welll... after you left..." she smiled

"Spit it out!"

"I kissed Nate!"

"WHAT?! OH MY GOSH WHAT."

"I know! It was so unexpected, too, like we've always been just friends."

"Exactly! So I'm gonna need details on exactly how this happened, please."

"This random guy was giving me weird looks, so I turned to Nate and just kissed him."

"Since when were you so confident?! What the fuck" I smiled.

"I may have had one or two or- four shots" She giggled.

"LIZ!" I laughed. "See this is why I don't drink. Don't wanna go kissing people I don't like-"

I quickly cut myself off because I realised it was untrue. I did kiss someone I don't like. That someone was Matt.

"What's wrong?" Liz asked.

"Huh? Oh, nothing." I dismissed. "Nooo Nick's calling me" I frowned.

"Just add him to the call, we don't need to get off"

"No, it's not that- ugh never mind" I gave in and added him to the call.

"Hi Nicolas" I sighed.

"Woww where's the usual enthusiasm?"

"I think you know where."

"Hey, Nick!" Liz exclaimed.

"Lizzyyy! See, Stella? That's how you greet someone!" He smirked.

"Did you need something, Nick?" I asked sarcastically.

"Well... I have this friend who hates this other guy I know. And at the party yesterday, I caught them kissing. Now they hate each other again! It's all just confusing for me." He said.

"Well, maybe your friend is also very confused because she doesn't know how to feel." I replied.

"But since I'm one of the only people who knows about it, and we're close friends, shouldn't she feel like she can talk to me about it?"

"Maybe the fact that she can barely process what's going on herself makes it difficult to talk to someone else about it."

"Talking about it and getting someone else's perspective can also really help, you know?!"

"I'm just gonna go-" Liz began to interrupt.

"NO!" They both shouted.

"She deserves to make her own choices and decide how she feels on her own!" I continued.

"But she doesn't have to be alone! There's people like me who just wanna be there for her!"

"Well, she wants to be left alone right now. Besides, if they hate each other the kiss probably didn't mean anything!"

"But what if it did?!"

"Well, what if it didn't?!"

"HE LIKES YOU, OKAY?!" Nick blurted.

authors note

hope you likey!

I've already started on the next chapter I'm hoping I can get it out in a week😘

lmk what you think so far and what you'd like to see happen🤯

love you

- CJ