A Stroke of Love (BL)

Chapter Twelve

Lux immediately regretted speaking the truth. He wished the words were solid in form, that he were able to reach out and pull them back, stuffing them deep down into the box he'd buried that truth in. However... he couldn't. He had to deal with whatever came next and seeing as how no one knew he'd never been in a relationship, he had no clue what to expect. Rhys stared at him, his eyes softly unfocused after each slow blink. His eyes narrowed just as slow, his head tilting subtly to the left as he studied Lux. Lux wanted him to say something. Anything was better than the way Rhys looked at him—with eyes filled with a tenderness, an unspoken eagerness that made him feel warm.

Lux cleared his throat, softly encouraging Rhys. "Say something."

"I don't know what to say."

Lux's shoulders rounded and he tucked his chin to his chest, pulling his knees up to wrap his arms around his shins. "Oh."

"I don't mean it in a bad way. I just—there are actually so many thoughts running through my mind right now and I'm not entirely sure which ones are appropriate to say and completely and wholly inappropriate for me to say to the author I'm editing for because we actually have a working relationship and it's not like I met you on the street or something although I wish—,"

Rhys' rambling was making Lux's head spin. He held up a hand, gently interrupting, "Rhys. You don't have to explain yourself. It's fine."

"No, but I do," Rhys insisted, his voice growing louder with urgency. "I don't understand how you've never been in a relationship because you're so—," he hesitated, his words faltering, "you–you're so attractive. And I don't just mean that physically, because yeah that too, but your personality. Your intellect. Your drive and ambition. All of that is so attractive."

Heat bloomed in Lux's cheeks, the warmth spreading into his chest. Lux scoffed, doing his best to push aside the feelings that were beginning to bloom, before he replied to Rhys. "No one has ever told me my personality, of all things, was attractive."

"Mm," Rhys hummed softly. "I think that's because people don't bother to look for other reasons why."

"What do you mean?"

"I can't imagine you've been like this your entire life. So, I looked for other reasons why. Why would you be so guarded? So closed off? So quick to lash out and push people away?"

Lux blanched under the questions, his heart stuttering in his chest a bit. He didn't realize he came off as being guarded, closed off, and quick to lash out. "And what reasons did you come up with?"

Rhys chuckled. "Honestly? None that made sense. Not before tonight. But I get it more so now. When we come out we run the risk of having so much taken away from us. I didn't know all that was taken from you before tonight and it makes sense to me now. Why let people in, why let people get close if they're just going to take that away once you come out? Makes sense to me y'know? But then again, I could be wrong."

He...actually wasn't. But Lux hadn't really given much thought about the reasons why. He only knew he didn't feel comfortable and wasn't okay with letting people in. Kerin was the only person he let in and that was honestly because he refused to not be a part of Lux's life. No matter how hard Lux pushed him away, he came in close.

"I don't know if it's only what happened between you and your family or if you've lost more people, but—,"

"I've lost more people," Lux interrupted. "Best friends. You know the type of friends that you plan your entire life with? I had two of them. We grew up together and we told each other everything. So, I thought I could come out to them, and it would be okay. I thought they would accept me because we've always been so accepting of one another. We weren't just friends, we were sisters. But when I told my sisters they actually had a brother? They told me I was mentally ill, I was going to hell, I was confused, I just needed to have sex with a man and I'd understand that I'm not one... which, like, there's so much to unpack in that stupid ass line of thinking, but yeah." Lux sighed heavily.