Shit. Just Shit

Random Vent Shit

Ayyyyye.

I sound like the most basic emo kid in this but I just really wanted to share it.

I really don't like being the person who throws all their life problem shit online, I don't want clout I just wanted to get this off my chest.

So my mother thinks I'm trying to be depressed.
Like lord.
All I'm trying to do by wearing black and listening to mcr is accepting myself the way I am.

I'm not o-fucking-kay and I've accepted that there's nothing I can do to help that fact except accept it.

"Oh, why not listen to happy music if you want to be happy?" Because all "happy" music does to me is make me feel more out of place in the world.

It makes me feel like I'm alone, like I'm the only person whose experiencing this shit while everyone is "happy".

"Emo" music makes me feel okay. Like everything will be okay one day and that I'm not the only person struggling. It's like... A hug- but like, a cold hug. A hug that means it'll all be okay one day.

I get made fun of a lot for dressing the way I do. Mostly it's my family, "oooo, you're going Ozzy Osborne?" "Ohhh, life is so hard isn't it?" Like, just leave me alone.

All I want is for people like that to leave me alone.

They say "oh, you're trying to be someone you're not"
Like, bitch, you really think I want to feel this way?

You really fucking think I want to feel this way? No. I don't.

Just because I'm accepting myself doesn't mean I enjoy what I'm accepting.

I get shut down every time I talk or try to express myself, but then they cover it up saying "I'm just trying to guide you" well did you ever think that maybe I don't want your "guidance"?

I've felt this way since I was 8 years old. I've been shut down my whole life, I've always been the kid the be picked last, I'm always the last choice and I've always been the "weird" kid for it.

Do you have any idea what that does to an 8 year old's mind? It made me feel like nobody wanted me, I even remember crying in my room over feeling invisible.

Everybody else always has their friends and cliques. Then there's me- the weird troubled emo art kid in the corner.

Now, in highschool. Nobody cares who you are, well, they don't bully you.
They just want nothing to do with you.

They just whisper about you behind your back. And I've always been in the back of the group...
Always.

My Dad doesn't care about me either. I live with my Mom, thank God.
Dad took me to the park a lot when I was little, we hung out, we had fun.

My parents were my best friends.

Until one day they weren't.
My Dad cheated on my mother and it turned out that he was a awful person.

Imagine all of that at the age of 8 years old? All of it clashing down on you so young.

Just for your Mother to tell you that you have no reason to be depressed.

That you have no reason to be who you are. That you have no reason to listen to what you listen to. To relate to the people you relate to.

Like...

I've found something. I've found something that makes me feel okay...

Now you want to take it? No. Sorry.

But not this fucking time.

I'm done trying to fit myself into the mould that you want me to be.
I'm trying to stop caring what you think and yeah, it's going to be hard.

Because my whole life I've cared what you think, I've looked to you for answers.

But I think it's time for me to start making my own choices.

Here's some mcr pics to makeup for whatever the hell you just read...

Okay bye bye xxxxx