traded my life [TWD]

『30』

Lori crosses her arms tighter, tilting her head as she listens intently.

"I thought maybe I deserve to be beat. And then I hated myself so much that I wanted to feel the pain.. I liked it because it made me feel secure. Really twisted shit that I still don't really understand, even years later. Somehow, the abuse made me feel safe. It was familiar. I guess because my bitch aunt was beating me just the same at home. It was familiar, so it was safe. It's all I'd really known."

I knew Lori remembered the ordeal with my aunt. She was there for a lot of that. She saw the photos. She was blindsided by Rick when he was fully ready to let me stay with them before consulting her.

"After you dropped me off at school like.. the second or third time?" I try to remember, but it was blurry. "I was smoking in the bathroom because my life was spiraling out of control. My aunt was in jail. I couldn't talk to the one person I trusted at the time."

"Of all the possible times.. she approached me when I was at my wits end. I wasn't in my house anymore- I was in Shane's. I didn't see my aunt- I just saw you, Rick.. I didn't feel safe anymore, even though I was arguable safer than ever. I felt like a wounded animal lashing out at the hand trying to feed it, I guess."

I exhale a big breath, shaking my head at the memories.

"So, I guess I just had enough of her shit that day. I snapped. We got into a big fight- physical. But, the only difference was this time I didn't lay down and take it. I fought back. Teachers and shit started flooding the bathroom and they pulled us apart. We were dragged different places in the office. They called Shane and he came and picked me up, but he never said anything."

I smile at the ground in thought, like I could see the scenes playing out before me.

"Shane drove home. He never said anything. Neither did I, though. Then, when we got home.. he finally spoke. One of the first things he said to me- the first question he had- was 'what took you so long?'."

I finally look at Lori in the eyes.

"It's the same with Ed and his pea-sized brain. Sometimes, all it takes is someone having enough of an abuser's shit for it to stop- or at least slow down."

"Do you think it'll stop with Carol?" Lori asks. I could see the concern for Carol seeping in. Sophia, too.

"It's not over until it's over. Until the abuser is gone. For me, it was my bitch aunt being deported. For Carol.. I don't know when it's over."

I hop off the tailgate of the ambulance and close the first door. Lori steps aside for the second. I place my forearm on the door and lean in close to her face.

"And I don't care what has happened in the past.. but, if you put your hands on Shane again, your ass is mine," I warn.

Lori's eyes widen. She goes to argue.

"You were grieving. We all thought Rick was dead. You and Shane fucked around and now you and Shane need to face the reality of what you did. Don't act innocent in all this," I slam the door. "And don't you dare drag Carl in the middle of this shit when he doesn't even understand it."

"Telling me off about Shane is one thing. Don't you dare tell me how to raise my son," Lori threatens.

"Then, step up, be a fucking mother, and raise him!" I hiss, low and dangerous. "Pawning him off to everyone else because you can't take five minutes to sit with him? Forcing him in the middle of this shitty little 'love triangle? Be fucking real, Lori. I've raised that kid more in the past five years than you have his entire life!"

Lori shakes her head and bows up a bit more, angered by my audacity. "Just because we're in this situation doesn't change that you were an outsider."

I scoff under my breath. "Look at that.. I was wondering where the real Lori went all these years. Were you just hiding her as you tried to save your marriage?"

"Hyejin-"

"Face it. The end of the world saved your marriage and gave you a second chance. But, you blew it the second you blew Shane," I cut her off. "So, just fuck off and go back to trying to save your marriage- you're more bearable when you're not in everyone else's way."

𝒶𝓊𝓉𝒽𝑜𝓇 𝓇𝒶𝓂𝒷𝓁𝑒𝓈--

who is more bipolar, lori, hyejin, or me

i have to take medication for mine i say i win