all credits to @/greatooglymooglyyy on tumblr!!
contains: angst, drinking, verbal fighting, general sadness, a makeup, happy ending, 1.4k+ words
"Girl, what the hell are you thinking?" I snap at my best friend and roommate, Kelsey, as we whisper fight in the kitchen.
"Please, friend. I need you to wingman me. It's way too awkward if it's just me." She pleads, grabbing my wrist.
"This looks like a two man, Kels. Chris will kill me if he finds out there are three boys in our apartment." I say with a sigh.
"Noooo, it's so innocent." She insists. "One of the boys is gay, and the other has a girlfriend."
"Kelsey..."
"Pleaseeeeeeee."
I tilt my head back in defeat, closing my eyes, and pull my arm away from her. "Fine, but let me call Chris."
She grins and kisses my cheek before grabbing a bottle of vodka and heading back into the living room with the boys.
I call Chris twice, but it goes straight to voicemail. He's probably filming. I shoot him a text to call me when he's done, and I head off after my friend.
***********
I throw my head back in laughter as one of the boys completes his dare to pretend to call his mom from jail. They have all actually been really cool so far, and I can tell Kelsey's crush is feeling her as well.
I look down at my phone as I see Chris' name flash across the screen. But as soon as I'm about to answer, the boy next to me accidentally knocks his drink over, right onto my phone.
"Fuck!" I say, hopping up and running to the kitchen to dry it off.
"Shit, I am so sorry." He says, following right behind me.
"It's okay. Just an accident." I tell him with a tight smile.
He reaches above my head and grabs rice out of the cabinet and a zip-lock bag. "Here, leave it overnight, and it'll be fine." I nod and give him a small smile before dropping my phone in the bag with a sigh. I go back in the living room to Kelsey, my mood a little ruined.
"Can you text Chris that I broke my phone, please? I'm just gonna head up to bed." I ask her. She frowns and checks the time, but I guess she reads the look on my face and just nods instead of complaining.
"Goodnight guys." I throw over my shoulder as I head upstairs.
*****************
As soon as I wake up, I have a nagging feeling in my stomach. I head downstairs and, to my shock, see the boys from last night asleep on my couch. I massage my temples, feeling my irritation grow, and slip into the kitchen. "Thank god." I say, as my phone powers on instead of the black screen I got last night. My stomach drops as I read all of Chris' worried text from last night. I even have a couple from Nick and Matt.
I click his name to call, and he answers on the second ring.
"Hello?" He rasps, clearly fresh out of sleep.
"Hi, baby. I'm sorry about last night. My phone-"
"Hey, do you have an extra toothbrush?" A deep voice calls from behind me.
Shit. My breath hitches as I wait for Chris' reaction. But instead, there's just silence.
I turn to the boy behind me and shake my head, shooing him away, then clear my throat and call Chris' name.
"There's just no fucking way you're that bold." He says, his voice like steel. "Who the fuck is that?"
"That's what I was trying to tell you last night." I say quickly. "Kels invited some friends over. That's all."
He's silent again for a second, so quiet that I double-check that he didn't hang up.
"So it's a coincidence that the night there are boys in your apartment, you literally go ghost all night?" He says. His voice is so calm that if I didn't know better, I'd think he was asking about the weather.
"Chris. I don't know what you are trying to say, but nothing happened. How stupid do you think I am?"
"I honestly never thought you were stupid at all until right now. Or a fucking liar." And then all I hear are those three distinct beeps.
***********
I'm laying in bed, watching my comfort show, and trying not to think of watching this same episode with Chris. It's been a week since he went no contact. I stopped trying after calling back to back for two days straight. I can't make someone trust me, and I'm not the type to chase a man who's running. But it doesn't stop my chest from tightening up when I think of him. When I think about the weight of his head on my chest and the calmness of his presence, it takes all I have not to cry.
I hear a knock on my door, and I sigh. I've been avoiding Kelsey, but it's really not her fault that my boyfriend had no trust in me. I get up, swing the door open, and find her standing there next to Chris.
He looks about as good as I feel. He's got deep purple bags under his eyes, like he hasn't been sleeping. I want to pull him into my arms and hold him. I want to wrap my legs around his waist and never let go. But instead, I just stand there with my arms crossed because I don't know how to love a boy who doesn't trust me.
"Before you say anything," Kelsey starts, reading my expression like only she can. "Me and Nick trapped him into hearing me out. I told him how it all went down. And I'm sorry, I played a part in this, but you guys need to talk this out."
She pushes Chris into the room and slams the door shut behind him before I can even get a word in. And then I'm so close to him, I think it will kill me. I look down at his shoes so I don't have to meet his eyes as I say, "It's okay, Chris. You can go." I feel the heat of his fingers on my face before I feel them. He tilts my head up to his face, and steps very slightly closer.
"I'm sorry." He says, barely above a whisper. And his words pull me out of my trance, like I've had cold water dumped on me. Because I'm not just heartbroken, I'm angry. I'm pissed. I take a big step backwards and give him my most convincing, nonchalant shrug.
"It's fine. It showed me what kind of person you think I am." I bite out. He flinches and rubs his hand over his face. When he meets my gaze again, his eyes have a bit of fire in them as well.
"Are you honestly telling me that if I told you this same story, you would believe me, no problem?" He asks with a sarcastic edge to his tone.
I step back toward him, narrowing my eyes. "Maybe not." I concede. "But I would have heard you out. We would have talked it out. I mean, fuck. Maybe even fought it out. But I would have never disappeared on you. I would never give up on us without a fight. But clearly, you don't feel the same." This hits him right where I want it to, and I can tell. Regret and defeat flood his face, and he goes to reach for me before thinking better of it and lowering his arms.
"If I didn't trust you, it would have never hit this hard. I've never done this before. I've never had anything I was this scared to lose." He leans against my door now, and I can tell he's fighting back tears. I've never seen him cry before, and it absolutely guts me. All I want to do is forget all of this. But, my mom always said, to forget is to be a fool, and I need assurance that he's a safe place to land.
Then he meets my eyes again, and I feel all my resolve cave in on itself.
"How do I know you won't take the next chance you get to run?." I ask, fighting to keep my voice steady and backing up to sit on the edge of my bed.
"Because I'm telling you I won't." He says, following me and then kneeling between my legs. "I know you think I was running away this week, but really I was just drowning without you."
I loop my finger around his chain and pull him up to eye level. "Never again, Sturniolo."
"Yes ma'am." He says with a smile before pressing his lips against mine.
