reality

drowning

im falling

slower than i ever have.

it's like i know i can breathe

but it hurts to breathe.

i scratch at my skin,

hoping to remind myself of all that exists.

but all it does is snaps me back to reality,

then im drowning once more.

there's this deep pool of water, you see

and im trying to swim out of it.

im trying to get to the top.

but i can't.

something is pulling me down,

to the never-ending bottom.

im gasping for air.

but all i get is more worry,

more water,

more stress.

i can never seem to get to the top.

i almost got there—once.

it was beautiful.

i saw the sun,

the sand,

the sky,

but suddenly—everything went dark.

storm clouds rushed in.

rain started pouring.

and i was sinking again.

i didn't try to fight it this time.

i didn't care.

i just closed my eyes,

hoped for forgiveness somehow.

i held my breath in the moment,

but i eventually gasped for it.

all i got was water,

salty, gross, scary water.

i heard echoes of voices, some giggling,

some just talking.

i tuned them out.

and kept sinking.

gasping for breath.

until one person,

grabbed my hand,

and started swimming upwards.

i tried to fight it.

tried to convince myself i didn't deserve peace.

that i deserved suffering.

but suddenly,

more people started rescuing me.

i didn't understand why.

but i trusted them.

if i didn't,

would i ever get out of this cycle?