traded my life [TWD]

『29』

"We might have a problem," Dale admits.

--

I keep my backpack of medical supplies around my back as we hike up the hill. Dale was worried about Jim. Once we arrive, I see why.

"Jim?" I ask, though the older man ignores me.

It takes both Shane and Morales to get a response out of him.

"What do you want?" Jim asks.

"We're all just a little concerned, is all," Shane responds. 

"Dale says you've been out here for hours," Morales adds.

Jim sends a gentle glare at Dale. I ease in front of Dale, guarding the older man from Jim.

"Why are you digging, man?" I ask Jim, careful like the EMT protocols said when someone is on edge. "Shit, man. If you're going to Korea, at least take me with you."

"What does it matter? I'm not hurting anyone." Jim shrugs it off and returns to digging.

"Except maybe yourself. It's a hundred degrees today," Dale says, concerned. "You can't keep this up."

"Sure, I can. Watch me," Jim argues. 

I sigh and look up at Shane. He processes the situation and we mentally try to figure out the plan on how to keep Jim calm while also getting him to take care of himself.

"Jim, they're not gonna say it, so I will," Lori steps between Shane and I. "You're scaring people. You're scaring my son- Carol's daughter, too."

Jim stops digging and looks at Lori. "They got nothing to be scared of. I'm out here by myself. Why don't y'all just go on and leave me the hell alone?"

He starts digging again, but Shane steps closer.

"Why don't you go and get yourself in the shade? Some food, maybe? And then maybe in a little bit, I'll come out here and help you myself. Jim, just tell me what it's about."

"Or what?" Jim challenges, sticking the shovel in the ground and looking at Shane.

"There is no 'or what'. I'm asking you. I'm coming to you and I'm asking you."

Shane pokes the back of my hand, signaling to start making a move. I ease the backpack off my shoulders.

"You gonna beat my face in like you did Ed Peletier?" Jim questions. 

"That was different, Jim," Shane defends.

"You weren't there," Amy speaks up. "Ed was out of control. He was hurting people- his wife, my sister, and Hyejin included."

Shane reaches for the shovel. Jim swings it in defense. I take the open window and wrap my leg around his, tripping him to the groun. Shane pounces next and pins Jim's arms around his back, face to the ground.

"Easy, man," I urge, kicking the shovel out of reach as Shane handcuffs Jim. "We're just stopping you from hurting yourself. No one is going to hurt you."

"That's a lie. That's the biggest lie," Jim says, a cry in his voice.

"It's not," I promise, kneeling by his head.

"I told that to my wife and two boys. I said it a hundred times.. it didn't matter. They came outta nowhere. There were dozens of 'em. Just pulled 'em right outta my hand," Jim admits.

I give Shane a look and he frowns. I could tell he was also imagining the scenario.

"You know, the only reason I got away was because the dead were too busy eating my family," Jim confesses, body going limp as he gives up.

A nauseating feeling burns up my stomach and throat. I look over at Carl who was standing with Carol and Sophia. 

I recall the hospital. I try to imagine what would've happened if Carl was bit. If I wasn't strong enough t protect him. Would I eve be able to run away while the dead was distracted? Or would I just lay down beside him and let the monsters take me as well so Carl wouldn't go alone?

Even if I did get way.. the guilt would eat me alive with more hunger than the dead. Maybe that was what was happening to Jim. The guilt, the pain.. it was eating him alive from the inside out.