Over Again

Chapter 10

As Lily set about preparing the lunch a sudden cold wind rushed by her just then, making her shiver slightly. Her worried gaze fell back onto her child sitting in his high chair a rather complicated expression on his face.

"I wonder what's wrong with the weather." She muttered before with a flick automating the knife to cut the carrots as she walked to the window and peered at the window frame examining the runes carved there.

"That's weird, all the runes are correct." She thought pensively. Throwing another speculative gaze at the window she turned around.

Finding green, green eyes staring back at her, a soft smile emerged on her face. Oh, how precious her child was. He was sure to be handsome, just like his father. Though, she would never allow her son to behave as James had in the beginning.

Crossing over to where Harry sat in his high chair, she lifted him into her arms. He came willingly, clinging onto her shirt. She buried her nose into his hair, breathing in his unique baby scent.

"Oh you are getting so big baby. I wish, I wish this war would settle down soon. I would hate for you to grow up in the midst of this." She whispered pressing a kiss to the top of his head. Tears pricked her eyes. Hating, cursing, yet loving every moment that led her to this, to being involved in a war, to being the target of bigots, to having a child in the middle of this, and knowing that her child would be pivotal for the war because two old men decided so. Hatred, love, fear, joy, resentment, happiness and soul crushing sadness churned in the pit of her stomach, as bile rose up in her throat. Quickly placing Harry back in his chair she rushed to the sink just in time.

Her form bent over the sink, retching sounds echoing in the kitchen. Her red, red, red hair falling over her shoulder. Distressed over his mother's sudden turn in health, Harry began crying, unable to do anything else, hoping beyond hope that his father would hear him by some miracle from their study where he was working on some estate papers.

Just as he had hoped, running footsteps could be heard on the stairs, a dishevelled James appearing in the doorway.

Seeing his wife bent over the sink, retching voices echoing in the kitchen, mingling in with the sounds of his son crying, he cursed reaching into his pocket pulling out his mirror. He hurried to Harry's side, moving to soothe him even as he called out "Sirius Black."

Just as the striking face with grey eyes appeared in the mirror, he didn't even call out a greeting or let Sirius greet him.

"Padfoot! Quick! Help!"

Without even waiting for a reply he closed the connection knowing Sirius would be here any minute. And he was right, not even a minute later, he heard the distinctive rush of floo and thundering footsteps as Sirius entered the kitchen and quickly moved to take Harry from him, hushing him as he left.

James moved to Lily's side, who had by now stopped retching and was instead slumped over the sink, her forehead drenched with sweat, hair sticking to it. Her pallor had gone sickly and her eyes looked so lifeless it wrenched his heart out to see his wife in such a state.

"Oh sweetheart." He murmured as his arms slipped to take her weight, his wife falling bonelessly against him, her eyes missing their usual sparkle, appearing oh so dead that it scared him wondering what had happened.

"You're okay. You're alright love." He carefully moved her to a chair at the table, Lily not even responding to his words. He conjured a rag, damping it with water before moving to carefully clean her mouth and face all the while keeping up his stream of sweet nothings. They were as much to reassure her as to reassure him. He could hear Sirius quietly entertaining Harry in the living room. Thankful for his brother in all but blood. He didn't know how he would manage his sick wife and his scared child at the same time.

He finished cleaning Lily up, conjuring a hair band to keep her hair out of her face as he got her some water to drink. "James" Lily murmured, her eyes still lifeless and her form still listless.

"I'm right here sweetheart. I'm right here." James murmured soothingly. Slowly he gathered his wife in his arms, deciding to put her to bed. Lily in her shock and delirium didn't even notice his efforts, her mind in far-off places chasing what-ifs and unknown futures.. Placing her on the bed and covering her with blankets, James' eyes filled with tears. He didn't know exactly what had caused her breakdown, but he could guess it well enough. Those same fears plagued his mind all the time.

Pulling a chair he settled in beside her, his hand going out to caress her face as Lily slipped into the land of dreams. James watched until he was sure that his wife was truly asleep, noting the even rise and fall of her chest he bent over her placing a kiss on her forehead.

"I don't know how, but I will get us out of this Lils, no matter what."

With a burdened mind and heavy heart, he sat back in the armchair, pulling out his mirror. As the connection was established he could see two pairs of eyes peering back at him. One grey, one green, yet both equally sad and anxious.

"How is she?" Sirius asked.

"Mama?" Harry whispered confused and scared. James smiled despite himself, his being filled with love and gratitude for the two people in front of him. "Mama's all right prongslet, you want to come see her?" He whispered so as to not disturb the sleeping redhead.

Harry's messy head nodded eagerly, as earnest an expression as a baby could have on his face. "We'll be there in a minute prongs. Up we go prongslet." Saying so the dog-animagus cut the connection and lifted the baby into his arms, making his way to the bedroom. The first thing he saw as he entered the master bedroom pained him terribly.

Lily, bright, bright, bright Lily, who always burned as bright as fire, her warmth similar to the perfect summer day, her anger just as ferocious as fiendfyre. Lily who was life herself, with her bright bright eyes and her quick smiles. Lily who was his sister in everything but blood, Lily his family. Lily who was sleeping in a restless fit, her face drawn and pale, sweat making her red hair cling to her, turning the bright red into something darker.

"Oh James." Sirius murmured as he came to clasp his brother on the shoulder. Handing his son back to him. Harry clung to his father, his eyes never leaving his mother, tears glimmering in his jade like eyes. James didn't say anything, just closed his eyes and held his son closer, relishing in the warmth of the small body in his arms.

"Can you..."

"I'll be back in an hour with everything." Sirius reassured him, not even needing James to finish his statement to know that he needed him close for a few days.

"Thank you." James whispered swallowing back his tears of love, gratitude, happiness, sadness and fear. "Do you want me to take Harry?"

James didn't say anything, merely tightening his arms around his son. He couldn't. He couldn't handle being parted from his family right now. He knew Sirius would give his life a thousand times over before letting anything happen to his son, but still, he couldn't.

Sirius didn't say anything, reading everything from his reaction. He turned to his godson, his bright eyes already peering at him and James. He smiled softly at the child who had captured his heart from the very first moment and held it in his tiny fists.

He ruffled the signature potter hair already sprouting on his head.

"I'll be back soon prongslet, take care of your parents for me will you?" Sirius said with a conspiratorial wink.

Harry's solemn look broke at his godfather's antics. A smile graced his face, eyes lighting up in delight as he nodded vigorously.

"Good lad." Sirius praised him only to be rewarded with another beautiful smile. Grey eyes turned to the bespectacled man holding the baby. Hazel eyes looking at the said baby with love, pride, adoration and almost fanatical devotion. Love and fear gripped Sirius as he looked at the three people in the room and a sudden desire for physical contact seized him. To feel that this isn't a dream, that they were real. That they were his family. The only thing that mattered to him.

He gave James a one-sided hug, tightening his arm around both the man and baby, turning his face to hide his feelings of fear. Fear of losing them, fear of being alone, fear of failing his only family.

He stepped back, his signature rakish grin on his face.

"Well family, I'll be back soon." Giving a jaunty bow he pranced out of the room.