Sorrows That Let Me Live

There was this day when I wasn't feeling good.
Can you overcome the grief of death? or a goodbye that's equal to not seeing your beloved. In our lovely Dry Tulips Ground, I thought I should give people candies to make their day and mouth taste better and not bitter because when they talk to others I observe their tongue is impure.

"How colourless can life be?"
It's so cheerful to see everyone happy, but what are they smiling about? happy about sinning? happy about not caring if they hurt someone? No one is so pure here. Why don't you just kill yourself if you are not happy here around humans?

"Take a permanent break from this world where there are priorities, positions, and favouritism"
If you don't want to be reminded of something that brings you sorrow, then why do you wait for those words to be heard by other people? you want to be reminded of it but don't want to feel sad, is that how it works?

"Except you everyone knows"

Hanin went to training for war, really far. We promised that we would work on writing together and be popular poets and novelists. we even did a course together where we learned the whole dictionary and all spellings it was our flex that we never made spelling mistakes, but we sucked at writing proper sentences.
she said we would do a course on tenses and grammar too and learn to briefly write about a simple word.
She was not happy, something was happening to her, but she was talking too much to distract me to think this. We had already discussed that we would watch online videos for it because there was no institution available. After all, our country had been on bad terms. After all, there were bomb blasts in the neighbouring cities. In our dairy where we write our stories and poems together, she had been writing sorrowful poems and verses.

There was no blast or attack in our city because it was armed for a long time. We couldn't travel to our homes because travelling was prohibited for everyone except the Armies, even the police officers were told not to leave their place. Robbery and killing are so normal here in our cities because no police's active.
Finally one day she told me she wanted to show me something. Hanin showed me his father's card and some form. I took the phone from her, I knew her father worked in the Army and still is but he was so high-ranked that I didn't know that, it was the license of his Father's job. The form I opened, it was edited by her father too the form said:

"Dear Sir/Madam,
you are requested to join us and be trained to help your people, we have received your licence card and we are responsible for your travelling please contact us if there's any problem, transport will be sent in a few days, you are not allowed to bring anything just you and your personal cards and passport.
looking forward to your cooperation!
Kindly fill in the information below,

Full Name: Hanin Aziz
D.0.B: 7 March 2003

Hobbies: Writing 

Training Session: June (Selected) / September / January

"God forbid if something happens to you after some people carry out your body when you are sacrificed in the love of the country, for your belongings to be given to someone you would like to be sent your belongings at the address below, who is he/she to you?"

I have my only father in my family who's busy in the Army too and no one will answer at my home, I would like to send my belongings to my dearest friend Haifa Hadi,
Address: Tulips Dry Ground Street, Tulip Girls Hostel, Room: the only above with no number.

Signatures of The Student:                                        Signatures of Captain:                "

"you're really going?" I asked.

"I am" Hanin replied.

"Why?" I asked.

"My father wants me to, he thinks what I am doing is rubbish and I should at least do something that people would remember me with good in their hearts after I am gone" Hanin replied softly.