Bittersweet Hatred of the Lily of the Valley

Chapter 4: Feelings

                The door opens again and Beast Boy rushes to her bedside. He sets the ice cold bowl of water on the nightstand, pulls up her chair from her desk and plunges the rag in the water, completely soaking it. He wrenches the rag to expel as much excess water as he could. Raven watched him, filled with regret and guilt.

                "You don't need to do that. I'll be fine, I'll get better soon." She said to him. Beast Boy started to fold the rag.

                "Yea, sure. That's what you say all the time." He said with a limp smile, wiped the sweat that drenched her forehead and dripped from her cheeks. He soaked the rag again, washing away the sweat, twisted it and set it on top of her forehead to cool her. He patted it to make sure that it wouldn't slip away.

                Raven became even guiltier after seeing how anxious he had become. "You're just wasting your time. I'll be fine." Upset at herself for letting this happen, she turned her head away from him. She heard him sigh.

                "And I keep telling you, you say that all the time." She heard that he was upset as well, and that frustrated her even more.

                "I'm going to go get you something to drink." She turned back around and watched him leave. His backside looked gloomy, sad, and so unlike the perky Beast Boy she knew. Her chest swelled with pressure, just wanting to shout out her frustration, her sadness. Everything she was feeling as she felt like everything was falling apart. A tear fell from the corner of her eye and fell on her pillow. She heard footsteps come up to her door and she quickly turned her head to hide the tears.

                Beast Boy held the drink and tapped her. "Here."

                 She tried to wipe away her tears inconspicuously and turned around. Her eyes went wide, as she saw the familiar chain hang out from the cup with hot tea. Suddenly overcome with fear her powers got the best of her and overlapped the drink in his hands and exploded, scattering the cup into pieces, and most of the tea spilled on to his shoes. Raven surprised struggled to sit up and reached over to him.

                "I'm Sor-" She started.

                "Forget it!" Distressed he groaned out loud, and stomped out of her room. Troubled and worried by Beast Boy's sudden burst of anger she sought to go after him. She tried to call out to him but her voice only scratched against her dry throat, not letting her speak. She gathered all her energy and got out of bed and onto the chair. She looked to the door and made a one-time spur dash out her door. She hit against the opposing wall across her door and saw Beast Boy continuing to walk down the hall.

                "Wait, Beas-" She took another step and her legs gave out and dropped to the ground. Beast Boy turned around and raced towards her.

                "Raven." He yelled out to her. He kneeled next to her and lifted her up by her arms. Seeing her tired expression and sick disposition made him blame himself for making her this way.  

                "I'm sorry." He apologized.

                "I'm sorry, my powers are getting harder to control." She explained. They just sat there on the floor.  An awkward silence grew as the two continued to stay on the floor. Raven in an attempt to avoid any more awkward moments attempts to stand up but failed and fell back down to the floor.

                "Just stay here for a while. Don't push yourself." His voice concerned yet firm. He pulled Raven and himself against the wall, gently letting her head lay on his shoulder. Another silence.

                "Why are you being so nice to me?" She asked quietly, who just continued to stare at her room door across the hallway.

                "What are you talking about, I'm always nice. I'm nice to everyone." He responded who also stared straight ahead, smiled and chuckled shortly, amused by her question.

                She wasn't satisfied by that answer and wanted to answer again, but mysteriously her heart pounded as she thought of a more probing question. More personal.

                "But it feels different. It's…..warm." She trailed away softly towards the end. Her embarrassment at revealing herself flushed her face with a bright pink and immediately turned her head away as far as she could without letting her head drop from his shoulder. Beast Boy thought about it and tried to sort through his own feelings. Trying to give her an answer he could understand as well but had no luck finding the right answer.

                "I don't know." He said plainly. "I know that I try to be nice because I want to see you……better or smile. But then again you don't smile at all. But-" He sighed, frustrated at his own confusion and getting himself into a tangled trap. Raven continued to listen.

                "I just want the old Raven back. Someone who made fun of me for my jokes." Beast Boy thought back before Raven became sick and laughed. "I guess I miss your sarcasm."

                He laughed some more as he remembered back to those times, and at his own foolishness. Raven peered up at him slightly to see his smiling face. She turned her head back down and slightly smiled too.

                She said, heavy with sarcasm and her same negative attitude which made Beast Boy laughed out loud. Strangely, Raven felt relieved that she could hear him laugh out so loudly again, worried as if he had lost his laugh or something. He breathed out deeply smiling. He felt as if the heavy feeling that had been with him had just gotten lighter remembering that it could be like this again.

                "Just get better soon Raven." He said, still smiling. Hopeful. It reminded Raven of her current situation and felt a feeling pull at her heart. To avoid answering she attempted to stand up. Beast Boy saw her moving and helped her get up. With Raven's arm around Beast Boy's shoulder he helped walked her back to her room.

                When Raven's door shut behind them, Aysel side stepped out into the hallway. She became agitated as something made her feel a mix of jealousy and anger. Fed up with the feelings that swirled inside her she sharply turned around and walked away.