BECAUSE WE WERE YOUNG | NIKI

17 - One Day

I step inside the doctor's office, Niki trailing behind me like a silent guardian angel. The familiar scent of antiseptic greets me, mingling with the faint aroma of freshly brewed coffee from the nearby nurse's station. I approach the receptionist, offering a polite smile as I sign my name on the check-in sheet. 

"Good morning, Miss Lee," The receptionist chirps, her fingers flying over the keyboard as she checks me in. "Dr. Kim will be with you shortly. Would you like some water while you wait?" I nod my thanks, and she hands me a bottle of water before gesturing for me to take a seat in the waiting area. Niki settles beside me and when I steal a glance at him, I catch the way he absently taps his fingers against his knee.

"You okay?" I sign, wondering if being in the doctor's office is making him anxious. I wonder if he has this fear because of his accident. I wonder if he decided to come with me even though he might be uncomfortable in medical settings because he cares about me. Niki meets my gaze and nods slightly but I can see it in his eyes, the underlying unease that he's trying to hide with a brave front. 

"Are you okay?" He signs and the way his eyes soften, the worry etched in his expression, melts away any lingering doubts I may have had about his feelings for me.

I nod, not able to stop the smile from spreading across my face at his concern. "Yeah, I'm okay," I sign back and turn to fully face him. "I told you I have IPF, right? It's just a routine check-up and medication adjustment. My lungs are not the most cooperative, you know?" He doesn't smile at my supposed joke. Instead, Niki winces. 

Before long, the nurse calls my name, signaling that it's time for my appointment. I look at Niki and point at the door before he nods in understanding. "Y/N," Dr. Kim calls my name when I step inside and I bow politely. "How are you feeling today?" He asks with a warm smile as I settle into the chair opposite him.

"I think I'm managing. Sometimes it feels like I'm struggling more than usual with my breathing," I reply honestly, remembering all those nights when I almost gave up on catching my breath. All those nights when I thought about why I'm so keen on staying alive when my own body seems to be working against me. My father doesn't know about this, nor do I want him to know. I know something is wrong with my body, and I wonder how he would take the news if he found out the extent of my struggles. 

Dr. Kim's smile falters slightly, his expression turning thoughtful as he takes note of my words. "I see. Well, we're going to take a look closer and see what's going on." The nurse helps me settle into the examination chair, adjusting my oxygen tubing to ensure it doesn't impede Dr. Kim's examination. He begins by checking my vital signs, including my heart rate, blood pressure, and oxygen saturation levels. With a stethoscope, he listens carefully to my lungs, asking me to take deep breaths while he listens for any abnormal sounds such as crackles or wheezes. The way he frowns tells me what he hears is not promising. "Do you have any chest pain?" 

"I do," I gulp. "Here." When I point at my chest, Dr. Kim nods and makes a note on his clipboard, his expression growing more serious. 

"We need to do a test to confirm the inflammation and assess the extent of the damage to your lungs," Dr. Kim explains gently, his tone indicating both concern and empathy. "I'm going to order a high-resolution CT scan to get a clearer picture of what's happening. Is your father here with you today?"

"No, he's not." I can tell he doesn't want to let me know about my condition directly but that's what I need, for him to only tell me about it because I don't want my father to lose the hope he clings to. With how happy he seems these days, I'd be damned to let anything shatter that fragile peace. Dr. Kim seems to understand because he doesn't ask me more questions and I'm led to the radiology department for the CT scan. They help me change into a hospital gown and lie down on the scanning table. The technician adjusts the machine around me, explaining each step of the process to ease my nerves. As the CT scan begins, I close my eyes, trying to block out the whirring sounds and focus on my breathing.