BECAUSE WE WERE YOUNG | NIKI

12 - Worth Living For

"When I was young, my father had to travel a lot for work," My fingers move as the words flow from my mind, translating into silent gestures that Nishimura Riki reads with ease. "He would often be gone for weeks at a time, leaving me and my grandmother alone in our small apartment. I remember how much I used to miss him, how I would count down the days until his return. But still, spending time with Grandma was fun and she would tell me stories about her youth, about my father when he was a child, and about our family's history. She had a way of making even the simplest moments magical, like when we would sit together on the balcony, watching the sunset behind the city skyline."

Niki stares at me, soaking in the story of my past like a sponge thirsty for water. I smile but when I'm about to sign again, he shakes his head and sighs. "You don't have to sign to me when we're outside," There's this sadness in his eyes that I can't quite place. "People are looking at us and they might think you're deaf because you are signing to me." 

His words catch me off guard, and for a moment, I'm at a loss for what to say. I never considered how our interactions might be perceived by others, how the simple act of signing could attract unwanted attention or judgment. But as I look around, I see curious glances directed our way, whispers exchanged behind hands, and suddenly, I realize what Niki might be feeling. "Do you think I would be embarrassed if people thought I was deaf?" I sign back to Niki, my fingers moving slowly, hesitantly. 

"No, Y/N," His expression softens and I rest my hands on my lap, watching him as he signs back. "I know you wouldn't be embarrassed. But I don't want you to feel uncomfortable because of me. I don't want you to feel self-conscious or burdened by having to sign to me in public. I don't want to be a burden for you." 

"You're not," I reply immediately, my heart aching at the thought of him ever feeling like he's a burden. "You're never a burden, Niki. You're... you're important to me." The words spill out of me before I can stop them, raw and unfiltered, but they ring true in my heart.

The sound of his soft chuckle makes me pause, staring at him, at how beautiful he looks when he's relaxed. His eyes are so full of warmth I could melt right into them. I quickly avert my gaze and take a bite of my food before I glance back at him and he's still staring at me. Oh no, my heart is beating so fast I'm afraid it might burst out of my chest. "You're important to me too." I'm gazing at his fingers, processing his words as they form in the air between us. "I just... I worry about you. I want to make sure you're okay, that's all." I'm starting to believe I never knew what it truly meant to care for someone until I met Niki. He's shown me a kind of selflessness and compassion that I've never experienced before, and it's both humbling and heartwarming.

I nod, a soft smile playing on my lips. "I know. Thank you." And with that, the two of us eat our meal in comfortable silence, each lost in our own thoughts yet connected by an invisible thread that seems to grow stronger with each passing moment. 

As we finish our meal and prepare to leave the restaurant, the two of us walk side by side with him carrying my oxygen tank for me. His hand is injured and yet, he's still so keen on making life a little easier for me. The cool evening breeze plays with his hair as he turns to look at me, that confused, yet curious expression lingering on his face. He mouths the word "what?" and I just shake my head, giving him a reassuring smile.

We walk and walk, enjoying the silence surrounding us and the beautiful night that seems like an infinite canvas of possibilities. The city lights flicker and dance and  I steal glances at Niki, admiring the way the moonlight highlights his features, accentuating the sharp curve of his jawline and the softness of his eyes. Why does he look so mysterious and enchanting in the moonlight? Someone could tell me Niki is the prince of some fairie realm and I might just believe it. There's something otherworldly about him, a kind of magic that draws me in and leaves me breathless.

"Thank you for today." I sign and hold my hands behind my back as I look down at my feet, feeling a sudden shyness creeping over me. I watch as he puts down my oxygen tank and I look up to see him shaking his head. "No, thank you. I told you, Y/N, you're my miracle." Niki's words wash over me like a gentle breeze, soothing my insecurities and filling me with a warmth that spreads from the depths of my soul.

"You're welcome," A chuckle escapes from between my lips. "But you're the real miracle, Niki. You're making me believe in happy endings if that makes sense." The smile that follows makes butterflies in my stomach flutter like millions of fireflies dancing in the night sky. I could take a picture of him and keep it in a locket, carry it close to my heart, and never let go of this feeling, this moment. "Goodnight," I sign, not wanting this moment to end, but knowing that it must.

"Goodnight, Y/N," Niki signs back, his smile lingering for a while before I smile back and carry my oxygen tank. I don't want to go. I don't want to leave and let this be the end of a day that I will remember for the rest of my life. I don't want to let go of the warmth that Niki has wrapped around me like a comforting blanket. 

"Y/N," He signs my name the way you'd caress some precious gem, his eyes making the moon and the stars and everything that's beautiful in this world pale in comparison. "I don't want you to go. Not yet." I stare at his hands, at his lips, and then at his eyes. Niki takes a step closer, his eyes fixed on my lips as if I'm the only thing he sees in this world. My heart races, pounding against my chest like a wild animal desperate to break free. "Can I..." His fingers pause and he looks back into my eyes, searching for something, perhaps permission or reassurance. And in that moment, I know what he's asking for, even though he hasn't finished his sentence.

"Yes," I sign. I'm nothing but a jumble of nerves and anticipation, my heart racing at the thought of what might happen next. "You can."

Niki's expression softens, a smile playing at the corners of his lips as he closes the distance between us. He lifts his hand, gently cupping my cheek and his warmth against my skin touches a tender place in my heart, a place that had been bruised and neglected for so long. Leaning in, he presses his lips against mine and I'm no longer the girl who wanted nothing but to live and to die. Right now, I'm no longer a girl who's waiting for the moment she breathes her last breath. Right now, I'm the girl who's finally found something worth living for.