Deep Down

Goodbyes

I didn’t leave my room once that night. I simply sat there on my bed, staring at the cream colored wall for a good while. I turned the TV on and started flipping through the channels aimlessly before finally settling on Family Guy which I really didn’t pay attention to; I just wanted background noise so I wasn’t alone with my thoughts.

After a while, I gave up and crawled under the covers wanting nothing more than to go to sleep. It wasn’t even that late but I just wanted my brain to shut up. My argument with Dave kept replaying in my mind, how he said it’s been nothing but about what I want. Also how I needed to get my act together, whatever that means. I’m perfectly stable. And I should be able to get whatever I want; I’m Austin Mahone for crying out loud. Rosalie’s face popped into my head just then, causing me to groan and shimmy further under the covers, curling into a ball.

I was almost asleep when I heard the door to my room slowly creak open and then shut just as quietly. I assumed it was Dave so I didn’t say anything, not wanting to speak to him and knowing I couldn’t tell him to leave because this was his room as well. But when the mattress dipped a little under the weight of the person who just sat down, I knew it wasn’t Dave but my mom, because she used to do that all the time back home. She would sit on the edge of my bed quietly until I was ready to talk about whatever was bothering me. I sighed and peeked out of the covers, seeing my mom’s worried face looking down at me. I sat up and placed my hands in my lap, playing with my fingers. I should apologize for the way I was acting earlier; I didn’t want to hurt my mom and I felt terrible for knowing that I had.

“Mom I-” I started but she cut me off.

“I know, sweetie.” She sighed, placing a hand on my knee.

We sat there in silence for a few more minutes before I decided to speak again.

“Is what Dave said true?” I blurted out.

She held my gaze for a long time, not speaking and not making a move like she was going to speak. It was her silence that answered my question. That what Dave had said was, in fact, true. I ran my hand over my face in frustration. If both my mom and Dave said I was becoming self-centered then it must be true. And Natalia. Natalia said I was just like every other celebrity out there. Self-centered and arrogant. I looked up at my mom helplessly.

“Is that why we’re here?” I asked, “So maybe I would change after seeing those kids? Is that why we’re staying longer?”

She simply nodded. “We’re not staying too much longer than originally planned. Just a day or two since we have to be in LA by the end of the week. Magazine interview, remember?” she reminded me when a look of confusion washed over my face. I nodded, letting out a sigh.

“Tomorrow you have to promise me that you’ll behave and make the best out of it for Rosalie, okay?” she gave me a stern look, showing that she wasn’t kidding in the slightest.

“Promise.” I whispered.

*                                                        *                                                        *

          The next morning, the car came to a slow stop outside of the dreaded hospital. I don’t think my hate for hospitals will ever go away. I bit my lip and shifted my weight in my seat, slowly unbuckling my seatbelt. Dave turned around and looked at me.

          “We’ll be back in a couple of hours, okay?”

My jaw dropped, “You’re not staying?”

          He smiled and shook his head. I slid my gaze over to my mom who looked at me with pleading eyes.

          “You promised Austin.”