2 months post despair, at a doctors office, kazuichi got the somber news that he would die early due to his disregard for his own health for, practically his entire life, but emphatically how he was during despair.
he wouldn't eat, wouldn't sleep. every day was him making murder machines and passing out whenever.
inhaling gunpowder constantly wasn't gonna do wonders for his respiratory system in the long run either.
so he sat in the doctors office wondering why it was such a big deal that he would be dying a few years earlier.
'not a few years earlier, kazuichi. your quality of life will deteriorate in your late 30s, and you'll most definitely die in your 40's, which would have otherwise been in your 80's.'
was what he was told. he didn't care at the time.
'take care of yourself and maybe you can hope to live until your early 50's.'
he did his best.
well, now he was 38. his quality of life had deteriorated, greatly. and now he cared.
he had a husband now, a reason to live.
fuyuhiko knew he was going to die early.
'agh, my back hurts..'
kaz groaned, looking up at the ceiling.
the memory of the doctor describing the process of kazuichi's health deteriorating was replayed in fuyuhiko's mind.
'chronic pains, insomnia and or hypersomnia, hypertension, fatigue, memory loss, cognitive decline..'
chronic pains, fuck.
he was dying.
fuyuhiko's eyes sort of widened. having been married for over 12 years now, the thought of loosing kazuichi was petrifying.
so petrifying in fact that his eyes started welling with tears and he felt sick to his stomach.
'fuck.'
'what?- woah- hiko, whats up?-'
kazuichi asked, he looked so concerned and fuyuhiko couldn't comprehend why he wasn't worried about dying.
i mean, he had to know, right? he must..
'you.. you're gonna die, kaz-'
he sort of stammered, he was so pale.
he looked like he was dreading something.
'wha- huh..? sorry?'
kazuichi looked at him with some confusion, then his eyes widened.
'oh,, yeah. that.. but i'm not gonna die tonight, its no worries right now, right?'
he asked with a comforting tone that made fuyuhiko feel like he was sinking into the bed.
it was too uncaring.
kazuichi did not care.
'yeah!- not tonight! but some day soon, in a few fucking years, kazuichi!'
he sat up, gritting his teeth when he felt a tear fall.
'what- hey- no, calm down..'
he muttered, sitting up and sort of opening his arms for a hug, a request.
fuyuhiko accepted it, more than accepted it, he wanted it. he hugged his husband tightly.
'you just don't care, do you?!'
he cried into his chest.
he might've been going too far, but it sure felt like kazuichi truly didn't care about himself.
'wha- of course i care.. hey..'
kazuichi frowned, hugging him tightly, squeezing him in a way.
'you- you don't! i can tell you don't!'
fuyuhiko sobbed.
'yeah- yeah, i do, hiko. i really do, i mean.. it's not like i wanna die..'
he trailed off.
'thats the bare minimum, you idiot..!'
he said harshly, kaz winced a bit, but he didn't let go of the hug.
'you're gonna die some day soon, and on that day i'll be left alone, forever! what, you think i'll find someone else?! fuck that, kazuichi! i want you! only you!'
his voice strained as he sobbed into kazuichi's chest.
'i fucking hate this! so much! you don't deserve this!'
