Me before you

chapter 20

When Y/n woke up the next morning, faint sunlight was flooding in through the crack in the curtains and pooling golden on the floor. She was slumped against the headboard of her bed, covers tangled around her ankles. The first thing she was aware of was Sana's head tucked in the crook of her neck, arms threaded around her, weight of her body soft and warm. She was pretty sure she was still asleep - she could feel her warm, rhythmic breaths against her skin, in and out, in and out, in and out.

Y/n's heavy eyelids drifted closed again, face dropping down to nose at the top of her head, the dark rumpled hair that smelled like sleep and shampoo and everything good. Warmth spilled through her chest. She couldn't tighten her arms around her, couldn't stroke down the hair that stuck up around her ear, but she could see her nestled close against her, feel her hair against her cheek in the dull gold light of morning.

Y/n exhaled slowly, breathing in the new day.

Last night was... a blur. Looking back, she could see she'd worked herself up over nothing. Nobody had been staring at her any more than usual, and the only pity she'd felt had come from herself, the deep dark place she had to acknowledge still existed, even if it was smaller than it had been before. It was only natural it hung around, sometimes. Depression, she reflected, didn't just shut off like a light switch. It was more like... a dimmer. One she was turning down, gradually.

What had happened after seemed like something out of a dream.

She glanced down at Sana, watching the morning sunlight creep over her sleep-mussed hair, shining in the dark strands and turning the soft bare skin at her neck to gold. What if I don't want more than you? Her words echoed through Y/n's mind. What if I can't see anything more than you? She'd helped her touch her. That was all she'd wanted to do, and she made it happen.

God. Y/n nudged the hair above her ear with her cheek, wondering for the thousandth time how anyone could be so... Sana moaned sleepily, burrowing closer into Y/n's neck. Her back stretched, pushing herself further against her. Y/n looked down at her as she shifted against her, seeing her body slowly wake up, piece by piece. She cleared her throat softly. "Hey,"

"Hey," Sana mumbled into her neck, lingering there for a moment before yawning audibly and leaning back in Y/n's arms. In the sunlight, her sleep-softened features seemed so young, open. Her eyes flickered up to meet Y/n's brown, looking at her wordlessly. They stayed like that for a few moments, both reluctant to break the silence.

"Sana, about last night..." Y/n began, finally. She breathed in, finding Sana's eyes and wincing awkwardly. "I don't know what happened. One minute I was just sitting there, the next I was freaking out about nothing, I just..." She conjured a weak smile, hoping to put one on Sana's lips. "Sorry."

"Y/n." Sana's dark eyes were honest and alert even as her voice was still rough from sleep. "You have nothing to apologize for."

"I ruined our date."

"Our date?" Something between a laugh and a scoff escaped Sana's lips, half smiling. "Y/n... Your mental health comes first, no matter what."

Y/n swallowed, finding the grace to nod. "Thank you."

"No," Sana shook her head softly. She breathed in, delicate fingers tucking a stray strand of black hair behind Y/n's ear. "I should be the one apologising, I was a bitch to you before you told me what was going on. And I'm sorry. That's just how I respond to..." She paused, light eyes turning downward for a moment. "I'm working on it."

"You're perfect." Y/n spoke without thinking, eyes never leaving the brunette's face.

Sana looked at her strangely, brown eyes wide and shining. After a moment, she breathed in, hands resting on Y/n's shoulders as she shook her head, small incredulous smile on her lips. "I am far from -"