Me before you

chapter 25

The drive back was mostly silence.

It didn't snow again, but the roads were still mostly empty, and the drive seemed to stretch on for hours. Still, Y/n forced herself to stay awake, refusing to leave Sana alone for even a second. She wished she could drive. She wished she could say something.

Instead, she leaned her head against the foggy window and watched the pine trees and empty roads fly by, sinking deep into herself. Neither of them spoke. It was like they'd agreed not to – the air in the minivan seemed somehow heavy, loaded, thick with things that didn't need to be said. Y/n's mouth was dry, and her mind was filled with echoes.

I love you, Y/n thought, catching Sana's face in the windscreen reflection. I love you I love you I love you I love you.

It went by surprisingly quickly, a blur of dirty snow melting on tarmac and brown pine needles on the windshield. She started recognising roads before she knew it – and all of a sudden, four hours had gone by and they were passing the faded old welcome to Lincoln sign that hadn't moved since she was a kid.

A few streets away from home, the minivan drew to an abrupt stop, idling by the curb. They were a couple of minutes away from the mayor's house, where she'd drop Y/n off before going home to wait for Louis – Sana had texted Wonwoo their updates and he said Louis wanted to come back early. Still.

Y/n leaned forward softly. "Sana?"

"I'm sorry, we can get going again in a minute." Sana told her quickly, voice strained and tight. She winced, fingers pinching the bridge of her nose. A long, low sigh escaped her. Her forehead nearly rested on the wheel. "I don't want Louis to see me like this."

Y/n managed a soft little smile, despite the dull pain knifing through her chest. "You have time," She reminded her gently.

Sana twisted around in the drivers seat, meeting her eyes with a tiny nod and a hint of a smile. "Thank you."

They sat for a few moments, watching the breeze shake the bare branches of the spindly little trees lining the pavement outside, before Sana straightened up suddenly with a sharp breath. "You know what,"

The brunette pulled down the sun shield, peering at herself in the tiny mirror and dabbing at the make up under her eyes. "I'm not letting her win again. I can't." She breathed in slowly, hands going back to the wheel. Sana twisted around in her seat again, wide brown eyes meeting Y/n's. "How do I look?"

"You look beautiful," Y/n told her, half a smile curling at her mouth despite everything. "You always do."

Sana laughed – an incredulous noise somewhere between a sob and a laugh. "You're ridiculous." She peered back over the shoulder of the seat, dark eyes finding hers. She was biting her lip. "You know that?"

"Ask a stupid question," Y/n said sheepishly. Silence settled over them for a minute. Without thinking, Y/n cleared her throat again. "Sana," She said.

"Mmm?" Sana glanced back over at her, clearly distracted.

Y/n swallowed, fingers twitching clumsily over the armrests of the chair. "I know everything that happened today was..." She wet her lips, breathed in. "But last night was probably the happiest I've ever been. Something happened in that lake house and I don't know what it was but... It meant a lot to me. And when I talked to your mom this morning I wasn't scared. I didn't doubt myself." The blonde lifted her gaze to Sana's. "You make me strong. So I guess what I'm trying to say is thank you."

Sana blinked a couple of times, warm eyes shining in the winter sunlight. "Don't."

"What?"

"Don't thank me." The brunette told her, voice soft and genuine. "You were the one who bought me the music and the scarf and when you said those things to me, Y/n... Last night was all that for me, too. I couldn't have asked for a more perfect evening."