How To Deal With A Tsundere Gong

Chapter 42 - Rest

Even if he understood Tang Jin, he didn’t dare to think that Tang Jin liked him. To keep his hopes from falling apart little by little, it would be better to assume that Tang Jin would never like him in the first place.

Tang Jin never said that he liked him, and Xu Bai Chuan also never voiced his demands. It was hard to say whether Tang Jin hid his feelings too deeply or Xu Bai Chuan overlooked it too much.

It was simply like a joke.

Xu Bai Chuan really thought it was funny, oh, so they were always in love.

Those substantial feelings of pain and torment were actually caused by each person being immersed in their respective worlds. One was too proud to say anything, and the other felt too inferior to ask anything.

Throughout these seven years, he continuously reminded himself: ‘You are a despicable scumbag so you must bear it all. You have no right to feel sad, shame, or suffering…’ It was precisely his self-hatred born from Tang Jin not loving him that supported him, holding onto him so he doesn’t fall apart, thickening his skin as he faces all kinds of cutting remarks.

Yet now Tang Jin told him that everything was caused by his own actions.

They were actually always in love.

If it was truly like this, he only had one question for Tang Jin: “What have I been doing these seven years?”

Tang Jin was at a loss for words.

“If you truly like me, do I also have the right to pain, grief, and accountability?” Xu Bai Chuan had wanted to speak steadily, but his voice started to tremble.

“‘You believed’? You truly believe too many things. Do you also believe that as long as you say that you love me, I’ll weep tears of remorse and be deeply grateful?” Xu Bai Chuan wasn’t hysterical, yet the tears surged up. “Based on your own assumptions, you believe that I am invulnerable? That no matter how cold you are, I will be content?“

If Tang Jin doesn’t say he likes him, then he still had hope. Hope for when Tang Jin does come to like him one day, the world would be so beautiful. Yet only after going around in circles does he find out that this world, which was almost submerged by self-loathing, compromise, cynicism, and ridicule, was one in which Tang Jin loves him.

It turned out he was merely pursuing humiliation.

How preposterous.

Tang Jin realized that he was wrong. His hands frantically helped wipe his tears. At this moment, a knock sounded from the door. The nurse outside was just about to push a cart in, but she didn’t know whether to enter or retreat after being shocked by the scene before her.

“Xu Bai Chuan, I’m wrong. I’m begging you to give me one chance. I really…”

The nurse outside cautiously knocked on the door. Xu Bai Chuan raised a hand to wipe his face, then he said, “Tang Jin, let’s separate. Both of us should properly think things through.”

He turned around, opened the door, and allowed the nurse inside. Just when he was about to leave, Tang Jin suddenly hugged him from behind. No longer caring about how many were people were present, Tang Jin pleaded, “Don’t go. I’m begging you. I know I’m wrong. Whatever you want me to do, I can…”

Before he could finish speaking, he was suddenly choked. Due to being strained, his stomach, which had yet to completely recover, throbbed with pain and caused him to bend over uncontrollably. As if a whip was thrashing at his stomach, the stabbing pain came in waves and eroded his brain so that the person in front of him appeared somewhat blurred. He stubbornly grabbed at Xu Bai Chuan’s clothes over and over again but was unable to reach him.