Reluctant Hearts

Chapter 18

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The morning rays filtered in through the blinds, rousing me from sleep. I blinked awake, momentarily disoriented as I took in the unfamiliar surroundings. Oh right, I had spent the night on Harry's couch again, not wanting to leave him alone while he recovered.

I sat up and stretched, working out the kinks from a night on the less-than-ideal sofa. The tantalizing scent of coffee drew me to the kitchen, where I found Harry standing over the stove flipping pancakes.

"Morning, sleepyhead," he greeted me with a dimpled smile that made my heart skip. His hair was deliciously tousled from sleep in a way that should be illegal before coffee.

"How's the patient feeling today?" I asked, pouring myself a mug of the heavenly brew.

"Much better, thanks to my wonderful live-in nurse," Harry replied, transferring the golden pancakes onto two plates.

"Unpaid live-in nurse," I shot back.

We settled at the kitchen table, knees brushing cozily beneath it. Harry insisted on feeding me bites between his own, his eyes crinkling as I dramatically swooned at his cooking skills. We chatted and laughed about nothing and everything over breakfast, my heart feeling impossibly full.

Later as Harry napped on the couch, I tidied up, internally scolding myself anytime my gaze lingered too long on his sleeping form. I was hyper aware of him in a way that felt new and dangerous. The domesticity of playing house while he recovered had awoken certain feelings I could no longer ignore.

Watching Harry sleep, his chest rising and falling rhythmically, I was hit with a startling realization. Somewhere along the way, my feelings for him had shifted. The playful banter, inside jokes, and lingering gazes had kindled an affection I could no longer write off as merely friendly.

I cared for him as more than a friend. The revelation hit me squarely in the chest, knocking the breath from my lungs. How did I not see this coming? Harry had seamlessly woven himself into the fabric of my days and nights. I craved his smiles, his laughter, his undivided attention.

Shit. I buried my face in my hands, heat creeping up my neck. This wasn't part of the plan. We were just two people brought together by circumstance. We had enough complications without me catching feelings we clearly both didn't reciprocate.

Did he? I stole another glance at his sleeping form, my traitorous heart quickening. Surely I was imagining things. Wishful thinking and too many romantic comedies had clouded my judgment. Harry was just an affectionate, charming flirt by nature. I couldn't let myself get swept up in fantasies.

I busied myself tidying his bookshelf, internally chanting a mantra of denial. We're just close friends. This is perfectly normal behavior. You're overthinking, Ev. Get it together.

I nearly toppled a stack of books when Harry's groggy morning voice sounded behind me. "Having fun reorganizing?"

I whirled around, hoping my internal panic wasn't written plainly across my face. "Oh, you know me, just a bit OCD," I joked weakly.

Harry regarded me through sleepy eyes, a hint of a smile playing on his lips. "Well I think it looks great. Thanks for always taking such good care of me, love."

Love. The word shot through my core, igniting a swarm of butterflies in my belly. I managed what I hoped resembled a casual smile, despite the chaos his small term of endearment had set off inside me.

"Of course, it's nothing," I murmured, busying myself cleaning again. But inside, my mind reeled. I was in dangerous territory, falling for this charming boy who lived just doors away. Maybe some distance would restore logic and perspective.

But as I caught Harry's smile from the corner of my eye, I knew one thing with sudden clarity - I was royally screwed.

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I left Harry's apartment in a daze shortly after, needing some space to clear my head. But no matter how much I tried to distract myself throughout the day, my thoughts kept drifting back to him.

At work, I found myself absentmindedly doodling little hearts on customers' receipts, earning me confused looks and suppressed giggles from my coworkers. They definitely suspected something was up with me.

"Everything okay there, Ev?" Malcolm asked, eyebrows raised as he caught me staring blankly at the espresso machine instead of using it.

"Hmm? Oh yeah, sorry just got lost in thought," I mumbled, feeling my face grow warm.

Malcolm shot me a knowing grin. "Uh huh, I'm sure it was some riveting thoughts. Does it have anything to do with a certain curly haired neighbor of yours?"

I nearly spilled the coffee I was pouring. "What? No, of course not," I denied quickly. Too quickly apparently based on Malcolm's unconvinced expression.

"Mmhmm sure. Just know that you can always talk to me if you need some advice in that arena," he said with an exaggerated wink.

I rolled my eyes but smiled gratefully. "I'll keep that in mind." But inside, my mind churned with more questions than I had answers for.

After work, I found myself wandering the mall, halfheartedly browsing racks of clothes just for a distraction. I lingered in the lingerie section, my traitorous mind picturing Harry's reaction if he saw me in something lacy and skimpy.

I shook the thought away, feeling my whole body flush. Window shopping was clearly a dangerous activity today. But even as I drifted from store to store, I couldn't fully escape him.

I passed a perfume counter and caught a whiff of a woodsy, spicy scent that reminded me of Harry's cologne. The one he always wore that lingered on his shirts that I may or may not have borrowed once or twice during movie nights.

At the bookstore, the sight of a poetry collection made me think of the time Harry spontaneously recited a verse to me under a starry sky after one of our many late night walks. I had called him a hopeless romantic and he had winked playfully in response.

In line for an iced coffee, I heard the song "Edge of Seventeen" play overhead, transporting me back to the night Harry had pulled me into an impromptu dance in his kitchen, our chests pressed together and his eyes staring deeply into mine.

Every sight, smell, and sound seemed to trigger memories of him. It was as if the universe itself was intent on reminding me just how thoroughly and unintentionally I had fallen for this boy.

Exhausted from the mental gymnastics of the day, I decided to head home for some peace and solitude. I binged watch a brainless show, immersed myself in a good book, anything to manage and distract my love-addled brain.

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a/n: two more chapters besties !!