I AM NOT ALIEN

| Guanajuato |

At the beginning, I said that my name was a representation of my life.

Solitude.

While it's true, I also might've been wrong.

I am not alone.

I have my brother and my wonderful relatives who took us in.

I just wished my mother were here.
Though...
In a way, I'm kinda glad she's not here to experience everything we've gone through.

...

I looked out the window, taking in all the fluffy clouds as they started to disappear.

The plane began to descend and my heart continued to beat as if it were about to fall out of my body.

It's time.

"You're mom is proud of you, you know." I turned to Vanessa. She came with me, which I'm really appreciave of. I don't know if I could go through this alone. "I know your nervous. Take long deep breaths. You'll be okay, Sol."

I smiled at her.
I couldn't produce any more words.

....

Today was the day I saw my mom for the first time in three years.

She's grown older-which is normal considering the years we spent without each other.

I don't know why I was expecting to see her in the same light when people are bound to change.

There were a lot of tear exchanges between the two of us.

Vane as well.

Smelling the familiar ranch air gave me nostalgia for my childhood.

I've missed it.

I've missed home.

It's funny how a place where I've lived only a few years of my life is still considered "home."

"Que me cuentas, mamá? (What's there to tell, mom?" I asked. "Como has estado (How have you been?"

"Bien, gracias a Dios (Good, thankful to God)," she replied. "Y estás aquí. Que mas puedo pedir? (And you're here. What more can I ask for?)

"Como te extrañe mamá (How I've missed you, mom)," I said.

"Yo también, Sol (Me too, Sol.)

We caught up on a lot. I even got to see my extended family again. I don't remember them though. I wish I did. They seem like great people.

My grandma, who is really sick, was really happy to see me.

She's also why I'm here. My advance parole allowed me to visit her for two weeks.

I'm making it one though.
Don't want to overstay my welcome.

She's been in better condition since last time we spoke.

My mother has been taking care of her.

...

Knowing that I'll be leaving in a few days makes me filled with anxiety.

I don't know when I'll ever get to see my mother again.

So I came up with a solution.

"Mama, tengo una idea (Mom, I have an idea)," I begin.

"Mhm."

She knows what I'm about to say.

"Y si me fuera a que- (What if I were to-)."

She cut me off.

"No, Sol."

"Pero por qué? (But why?)" I asked, frustratedly.

I wanted to stay but my mother said no. I understood why, of course. It wasn't easy for her to say it. Nobody wants to be away from each other.

According to her, I already had my life planned out in the states. And believe it or not, I do have more opportunities there despite how horrible society has looked at me. I'm able to have food on the table, attend college on a scholarship, have free health insurance, and a few more things.

If I stay, I won't have anything.

I'm willing to leave all those benefits behind.

My mother, on the other hand, doesn't want that for me.

.
.
.

Everyone might have a reason to leave but not everyone has a reason to come back.

I do.

I need to stay here.
I want to.

Coming back to the states wasn't easy.
I wanted to be with my mother.

But she'd been right.

We hardly see how much we struggle in the media.

Not only that, but what it's like to live in depression due to separation.

People just assume it's as easy as finding someone who is a citizen, marrying them, and BOOM. Life is better for you.

But that's so wrong.

It's not rainbows and butterflies. It never will be that easy. There's always some kind of process for anything, really.

Also, many people don't know they can apply for advanced parole. It should be spoken about more. They deserved to have the opportunity to go back to their roots-see the people and land they left behind.

I wished the news was more open and talked more about the struggles of what it's like to live in seperation--maybe then people will have more compassion and show kindness.

Even with that, I don't want the pity smiles.

I want understanding.
I want clarity.
I want real motives and actions of aid.

I want them to be genuine.

To Be Continued...