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Anger bubbled in me.

No.

I can destroy whole world with the amount of anger I am feeling right now.

As soon as we went inside his car I slammed my hand against his chest pushing him away. He just couldn't imagine I can be violent too.

"Don't you dare touch me again without my consent!." I shouted slapping his face. Dr Amogh just held his hand over mine. His expressions did not give away any emotion he's feeling right now. Tears brimmed my eyes as anger shot up another level.

"You! Especially you got no right over me! Remember your words few years back?!." I shouted to which he closed his eyes.

"Anagha. I told you, I had to do it for many reasons. Why are you still stuck on it? Haven't I tried to push our relation past that conversation? Are people born perfect? Do people like me ever find someone like you to love?." He questioned which made turn towards him. By now I can see myself getting red.

"It is YOU who chose, you decided what should be done with us. So don't you ever point fingers at me! World doesn't revolve around your problems alone! You had no right to take that decision let alone implement it as if I am a non living thing in your life!." I shouted. People outside our car were now concerned at my outburst.

"I never treated you like that!." He shouted back.

" Oh really? What exactly is our relationship? Dr Amogh Upadhyay?." I asked.

"You very well know what relationship we have. I never denied it nor said I don't acknowledge it.  Why don't you ever understand me?  Why are you hell bent on maintaining that grudge all these years!." He shouted with frustration.

"Tell me who says they love someone and orders them to stay away. When they do it,  who tries to gain attention? You told me we should be like strangers, why did you try to be familiar with me at college? Who pushes me away now suddenly shows interest in me , why? Because people are pursuing me?." I questioned him.

"I never said no to you Anagha. I asked for time. I wanted to understand my problem to be with you,  get over the grief of losing my father. Taking care of my mother and small child who depended on my mental health. What did you expect from me ? Roses and balloons in your name?." He asked. I looked away from him.

"I never left you. I asked for some time. Moreover, I cannot be familiar with you infront of whole college. You will be bullied, your value won't be considered if my name is linked to you. I never had affair with any other student nor encouraged anyone to pursue you. I protected you to the extent where my job is at stake now, yet you point fingers at me. Perhaps my baby steps towards this relationship is really widening the gap between us." He spoke resting his forehead on the wheel. I glanced at him for a moment.

Job is at stake?

"What do you mean by your job is at stake?." I questioned him.

"I have been  asked to report about that case which my HOD messed up.  Administration doesn't want to remove him nor file a case against him. Moreover some undergraduate student saw us being close outside the college. They somehow spread rumor about it,  I out of frustration told my head that I indeed fell in love with you. Its my fault but i shouldn't blame you. " He said looking away.

When did we kiss or hug?

Oh wait! Our pasta time? I can't remember when we were seen together!

"Tell me what to do? We kissed so many times before! You had no problem then! I held you close before. You fucking know I am jealous of every male who surrounds you yet I don't say a word or try to sabotage your relation with them!." He shouted rubbing his cheek which turned red in colour now. I took deep breaths and held his face towards me. Slightly swollen cheek with clear finger prints is not ideal face to show his mom now.

"I think society will kill me in spot if they see me hitting you.  Right? You always get greater advantage over me. Shouldn't I complain about it?." He asked.

"I am fed up with your hide and seek emotions. You are my professor, highly qualified who acquired name and fame. I just want to be out of this mess Dr Amogh. Isn't it fair to give me what I want?." I asked him. He looked conflicted not having much to say. I always react violently but him? He doesn't even understand the meaning of loving someone.

"What do you want me to do now Anagha?." He asked.

"You can always love me....from a distance." I said closing my eyes. Although I have feelings for him,  it's not healthy. I shouldn't let my emotions fuck up my mental health. Whatever problems he needs to solve, let him do it.  He neither included me nor explained what exactly he's dealing. Why should I hang on a thread and wait for his signal to accept me?

"You said you love me, accept me, never rejected me. What about you not letting me know your problems? Don't you think i am capable enough to handle the situation? What do you want from me? Hide like this? Be open now since my exams are done? What do you want!?." I shouted highly irritated with him.

" Blame me all you want. I will never leave you. No! this is not my toxic behavior. If you willingly want to leave me, you are free to go.  But don't expect me to initate it. Even now all I can see are my bad choices which created insecurities in you regarding us. " He spoke looking away. Is he for real? I abused him so much and he's still blaming himself?

"I am sorry. All my allegations are not completely sane. Take me to your home." I said in a low tone.

"Our home." He stressed it again. This silence was uncomfortable for me. I want him to notice me but I don't want him to cross his boundaries. His nearness affects me while the cold behavior pains my heart.

"I have to talk with you. " He spoke. I ignored him walking out of his car. Packing my things,  my two day stay at his place post my exams has come to an end. Yug sat beside me helping me fold my t-shirts with his DIY folding cardboard piece which Dr Amogh made for him. I admired his love for this little one. What happened to him when it comes to me? His mom made me eat my favorite meal all the while praising how good i was all these days. To be frank, I felt more comfortable here compared to my own parents. I guess parents do go strict when it comes to only child?

"When will you come back again?." He asked making me emotional. Dr Amogh stood at the entrance, looking at us. He had same question on his mind when I stepped out of his car.

"When clear sky meet stars and when snow falls indicating its time to admire the beauty with the one you love." I spoke as Yug giggled calling me mad. I silently packed whatever I could, he took my bags and Yug jumped into my arms crying like a baby.

"Maybe you could come with me? Spend time with me tonight? We can play all the board games I have, eat pizzas? Come on little one! You can't possibly say no now!." I coaxed. He looked at Dr Amogh with teary eyes. Him being a softy opened door for him to get in. I hugged his mom and sat with Yug whose joy knew no bounds.

"Let's get started." Dr Amogh said looking into my eyes.

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