happy to be in your shadow // tim wright x reader

Awakening

When my brain and my body aligned again, with it came touch, sound, sight, smell, and taste. The resurrection of my humanity was surprisingly calm, soft, lovely.

My flesh felt warm and soft on my bones. Each synchronized curl of my fingers felt like life, like meat, like warmth, like home. I could hear birds. I could smell the Earth. I felt closer than I had ever felt before to my body and the world around me. My eyes opened and embraced the air and the sky. The sky was blue, watercolor, and the dark green of pines stood solid and defined against it. A lovely contrast of light and dark. It smelt of rain, soil, and leaves. When my senses returned, so did my thoughts, and the awareness of all my bodily sensations. I felt my heart pick up its pace and begin to slam rapidly in my chest. I realized I was wet and freezing cold. I realized I was scared. I realized... I didn't know where I was.

I sat up, a jarring movement that nearly broke my frozen limbs. My eyes frantically darted around, terror at my returning memories beginning to force warm, wet tears from my eyes.

I was in the woods. Why was I in the woods? Memories slipped to the surface, small lingering moments punctuated mostly by feeling rather than substance. Night time, cold, the feeling of rain pounding against my back, the smell of cigarette smoke, the color hazelnut brown. I remembered.

I took in the world around me. Brown soggy leaves covering the forest floor shifted and squelched beneath me. Big, tall trees of many different varieties stretched up and out into the sky; leaves green and full of life from last night's summer downpour. I didn't recognize this part of the woods, could I still be in the park? Or was I lost in some other unknown expanse of wilderness?

I then remembered Tim. Had my hesitancy been warranted? Had he knocked me out, taken me here, and left me for dead? But, what was that thing? The thing that I had seen moments after my legs turned to gelatin and my brain speckled with goosebumps? I recalled its tall wiry form, its blindingly pale complexion that made me feel like a moth drawn to a buzzing fluorescent light. Could I have imagined it? The dizziness blurring my vision, blending shapes and colors together, forming something imaginary?

Suddenly feeling a sense of loss, I found that my jacket was nowhere in sight, and fumbling around in my pant's pockets I found that my car keys had disappeared too. I scanned the murky brown swatch of leaves. My keys could be anywhere! My heartstrings pulled and tugged violently as I scrounged around in the dirt and the mud on my hands and knees. Everything in my body was telling me to stop, but I couldn't stop. My mind propelled me forwards and into pursuit. I hyperventilated, panicking, before I sensed movement out of the corner of my eye.

From the leaves, the sea of brown, rose a dusty yellow splotch. The splotch moved to their knees and then pushed their too exhausted form to their feet. I still rested on my elbows and knees on the ground, mid crawl, frozen in place— like prey hiding from predator. The person twisted around, eyes darting between the trees, in the same panic stricken instinctual movements that had just similarly possessed my body moments before.

When the figure twisted around in my direction I recognized it as Tim. He had on a yellow/brownish bomber jacket. One that I recognized he had not been wearing the night before. His hair was a mess, matted, drenched, and askew. I realized that that was likely what I looked like at the moment as well. His eyes looked tired, deathly tired, and in the light of day I noticed his skin was much paler, his hair much more untamed, his movements much more slow. As he approached with exhausted thumping steps I still remained crouched and unmoving in the leaves.

His form crossed in front of the overhead sun. Momentarily obscuring his face in earthy shadow, the sun tenderly tracing the edge of his head and shoulders in golden light, illuminating each astray strand of hair. His hand moved from his side, extended, and hesitantly reached out. Then he denied it, retracting it. Genuine childlike fear spread out across his face. My eyes darted all around at the scene, something in me knowing that this man was just as confused, worried, and terrified as I was. He sucked in a sharp breath, his brows furrowed. Looking at that moment, infinitely vulnerable. And just like that it was gone, with a blink of his eyes he had cowered deep inside of himself. Wiping away any trace of fear or worry from his features and stuffing it somewhere inside of him.