dancing in the stars (ballerina x singer wlw romance)

chapter twenty-three

I swallow the knot in my throat, feeling the way my eyes sting with tears as I try to look at her through my glossy eyes. "This is unfair. You don't get to talk to me like that. I'm... I'm your student, you're my dance instructor."

Daisy laughs. "Oh, trust me. I know, and as your dance instructor, let me tell you– you're a fucking disaster! You're getting sloppy— your leg. What's wrong with your leg? What is wrong with all of you? Instead of getting better, you're getting worse by the min—"

"She's not my girlfriend." I cut her off, not wanting to hear her voice anymore. I move to the other side of the room, limping until I get to my bag, I pull it over my shoulder, feeling everything inside my body burn with anger and humiliation and sadness. I just want to scream. Snap. Run. Hide. Break.
"I don't have to explain anything to you about my life. I'm here to dance and you're here to teach me. And that's it."

"What— Where are you going?" she gets on her feet when she sees me taking my pointe shoes. "Where not fucking done here, Summer."

"I am." I raise my voice, it sounds shaky and I'm afraid to break in front of her.
Breaking means showing weakness in front of her and I won't. I can't. "I am done for today. I'll see you in two days." I'm done. I'm done. I'm done.

"You can't just walk away, we're in–"

"Watch me!" with my bag hanging from my shoulder and barefoot, I walk to the front door ignoring the way my body protests in pain.

She stops me by grabbing me by the wrist. Her eyes red from anger, and in this moment I realize I'm afraid of her. "You'll be here tomorrow, Bennett or–"

I push her away, pressing my lips together as I shake my head. I feel my body burning with anger, telling me to snap. Telling me to break.. "Or what?" I raise my voice. "You'll kick me out? Do it! Let's see if people show up to the performance without me, and with a new dancer who doesn't know the acts like I do. Do it! See if I care!"

I storm away from her, practically jogging to my car and I don't let myself break, not until I'm a few blocks away from the studio. My entire body is shaking, my heart is beating a mile per second, my eyes are so glassy that I barely see through them. Madame Daisy's words echo in my mind.
I've always known there were homophobic people in the world– I experienced it since I was forced to come out to the world. But Daisy's words? She's an adult. She's a fucking grown up– how can she be so closed minded?
She wants me to do public relationship with Connor, my partner for this performance, like we're on fucking Hollywood? God, that is pathetic. She only cares about fame and money and glory and I... I'm so tired.

I park my car in the first spot I see and I let myself fall apart.
I've been putting up with her bullshit for three years now. Going to that Academy was always a dream of mine– I wanted that so badly, I wanted to work with her, I wanted to be the best but right now? I couldn't care less. Daisy Silvers is making me hate what I love most in the world.
I used to agree with her, when she said dancing was my life, but it doesn't feel like that anymore. It doesn't feel like my life. It feels hers. Daisy is living her life through mine and I can't do it anymore. I can't– I'm losing myself in the process of growing up, instead of finding the best version of myself.
What if I can't never find her? What if I'm stuck being this whole other person I don't recognize? What if this is the best version of myself?

My phone rings inside my bag, the sound muffled by all the things I have there and I look down at myself. I'm still in my black leotards and pink skirt. I let my hair down, the bun was making my brain hurt even more. I brush it softly with my fingers before leaning my head back on the car seat.