Wonderwall

-02- Life

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I hate life. Life is stupid. Life can go off itself.

I'm so tired of everything. I have barely slept and haven't eaten much. I know I should eat, but I can't. I have to look pretty for my first impression at the new school.

I've been lying in bed for the past two hours doing nothing. My mind has been racing with thoughts and I just want it to end.

I tried writing in my diary to clear my head, but I couldn't. Usually, when I'm in my head I like to write whether it's an entry, poem, or sometimes just little notes. I have about 10 diaries filled since I was 10 years old, but today I couldn't.

My phone on the nightstand has been buzzing with texts from my friends to hang out and shop for school. I love them a lot, they are the only people who help me keep my mind in the right place.

I pick up my phone to see a Polaroid of us behind my case. It's from Halloween about 3 years ago when we all dressed up as our favorite characters and they took me trick-or-treating for the first time.

We always try to do small things to heal our inner child yk? We all come from the same type of shit families and are broken in different ways. We understand each other on a deeper level. I'm only ever happy when I'm with them.

There is another polaroid behind it. That one brings back memories I try to forget but never will.

Archer.

I don't want to be thinking of him right now. I shouldn't be thinking of him anyways. It's not like he would ever come back for me.

I loved him when I was gullible and thought he loved me back. I was being delusional, I am unlovable.

Even though we were just 10 years old at the time, I thought we had something. I thought we could be something one day. Instead, he just filled me with false hope and I learned that I'm not enough for anybody to want or love.

All that matters is that he is happy. I mean he looks happy according to social media but everyone is fake on there these days, me too.

I also shouldn't be thinking of him like that because I have a boyfriend, but that's purely business and is a forced relationship from my father. I don't want to be with Dalton, he is a horrible man who cares about nothing except for himself and his wants. I want to leave him so badly but I'm scared of what would happen.

Instead, I'm just switching schools without telling Dalton. He shouldn't be that mad right?

Dalton is always there to constantly remind me how useless I am. I haven't let him touch me, ever. Sex is the only thing he wants out of this relationship and the last thing I want. I want my first time to be with someone who truly understands me and actually wants me. Which means It will never happen and I will only know about sex from what Scarlett tells me and the books I read.

I open my phone and go to my friends gc: King👑 and his Peasants🙄

Kingston named it and we love him too much to ever change it.

King👑: RISE AND SHINE BITCHES

King👑 : SCHOOL SHOPPING

King👑: WAKE UP

KING👑: WAKE UP

KING👑: WAKE UP

SCAR🎀: I'M AWAKE STFU KINGSTON

King👑: MAKE ME😉

Scar🎀: fuck off

Wes😐: let me sleep