The Safe Haven (A Newt x Reader Story)

Chapter 10: Conflict Between Right and Wrong

Authors Note: Heyyyy! Sorry, this chapter took so much longer to write than usual. I'm not sure why but I experienced major writer's block in this one and I really wanted to wait until I felt like I had the right words and intentions for this chapter before I wrote the chapter and let it just be shitty. I'm really excited to write the next parts though because things are going to get interesting I swear! Anywayyyyy ENJOY! :)

You gripped the fabric of your pants harshly to try and keep your composure. You couldn't show Newt that you're weak right now. You need to show him that you meant what you said and to leave you. Admittedly though, the only thing you wanted right now was to curl up into a ball and lay on Newt's chest as he comforts you just as he did the night before. Your body practically craved his comfort and touch at this point, but it was a selfish thought. It was a want that would simply get everyone else hurt except for you. So to protect everyone else, especially Newt from the disaster that you were, you decided to push him away, in hopes that things can go back to the way they were between all of you, or at least for the guys. If it meant isolating yourself and removing yourself from your friends to keep them happy, that's exactly what you will do.

You stared at him intently, trying to stay strong. Although his face never lost its soft and gentle expression.

"No." He said simply.

"Newt please-"

"Y/n, I'm not going to leave you! We've stuck through everything together this far, I'm not going to leave you over this." You watched as his hand, which just a few seconds ago you had pushed yourself away from, came back to caress your face. You let yourself selfishly lean into his palm and close your eyes as you relished in the feeling of him caressing the tears that stained your cheeks.

"But..." This phase made you tense up and open your eyes, now noticing that his eyes held almost a painful look to them.

"But if you want me to leave, I will. If you tell me you want me to walk away from you and never speak to you again, I will."

Of course, you didn't want him to go. All you ever wanted was him, but you never allowed yourself to feel those emotions, but now you have it. However, the thought of hurting Newt or Minho again was more painful than the pain of letting go of that feeling. You bit your lip and dropped your head down to avoid eye contact with Newt. You couldn't look him in the eyes as you lied to him, telling him you didn't want him and to leave you.

"Newt... leave me." You muttered out.

"No!" He spoke sharply. You gasped as you felt his hand reach under your chin and force your head to be level with his. Your eyes glued to his as he seemed to never blink, holding an intense gaze. "Look me in the eyes and tell me to leave!"

"Newt..." You whimpered out. You took a deep breath, trying to find the strength to say it. Instead, you closed your eyes, feeling large tears drip down your cheeks.

"Look at me, y/n." Your eyes fluttered open again to see his intense look once again. You could see the slight pain behind his eyes. "Tell me to leave you right now and I will."

Your mouth hung open, trying to let out the words you so desperately wanted to say, and yet didn't. Your internal conflict of being protective of those you loved and being selfish battled inside your mind and in the meantime, you couldn't force yourself to say those words, not while looking at the man you so desperately wanted. A pathetic whimper left your mouth instead, and just then you felt yourself crumble even more.

"I-I can't." You sob out. "I- I need you Newt! I need you dammit!" Your body crumbled forward and you sobbed into your hands. You gasped as you felt your body getting pulled into a warm chest. Instinctively, you placed your hands on his shirt and gripped the fabric of his shirt as you let your walls crumble down even more and sob into his shirt.

"I'm not going anywhere, Sunshine." He spoke softly. You could tell he sounded relieved by your response. He set his head on top of yours and stroked your back in gentle and slow circles, trying to calm you down.

After a while of crying, you felt yourself become cried-out and you soon found yourself straddled on his lap, your head rested on his shoulder, and arms slung around his torso as he had you seatbelted in with one hand, holding firmly onto your back while the other was combing its way through your hair. Neither of you had said anything for a while now, just relishing in the embrace of the other, not wanting to let go quite yet. The realization hit you though that you had just vomited and cried in front of Newt just a short time ago and an intense wave of embarrassment hit you.

"Oh shuck!" You curse out, "I can't believe I let you see me like that!" You buried your head into his shirt in embarrassment.

"Like what?" He questions.

"Seeing me vulnerable like that!" You have always tried your best never to show your weaknesses to others and in the past few days, almost everyone you know has seen you cry, which was a rarity for you.

"Well, I always knew you had to have some feelings other than stubbornness under that tough shell. You know this doesn't make you weak, y/n." This hit you hard as if he knew your internal conflict. You found yourself removing your head from his shirt and sitting straight to look him in the eyes.

"You're still the toughest person I know," Newt spoke with sincerity that you needed to hear right now.

"Thank you." You cleared your voice as you said so, now finding yourself slightly timid by his compliments.

"And um, you're a really nice person." You spoke, now finding yourself not so confident anymore. This whole mushy feelings thing didn't exactly come naturally to you. Being vulnerable with how you felt instead of serious or joking was a foreign feeling to you. Luckily, you heard a small laugh come from Newt and he smiled ear to ear.

"Well thank you, Sunshine." His smile became contagious and you felt a smile creep onto your face as well, feeling your face heat up with both embarrassment and excitement at the newness of his encounter. Suddenly, you seemed to forget how to breathe as you felt a pair of lips land on your forehead. A melting feeling made its way down your body from his hot lips on your head, which seemed to have also given your heart a warm feeling. You cleared your throat as you tried to regain your composure.

"It's cute when you're flustered." He let out a small laugh at you.

"Hey! I'm not flustered! You just... caught me off guard!" You pouted.

"There's the stubborn y/n I know." You rolled your eyes at his comment, but still couldn't wipe the smile that seemed so hard to get rid of. You hopped up off of his lab and brought yourself to your feet. You reached out your hand to Newt to help him up as well.

"We should probably take this somewhere other than the bathroom floor." You said with a slightly disgusted look to you, realizing you both had been sitting on a dirty bathroom floor this whole time.

"Couldn't agree more!" Newt spoke enthusiastically.