Forevermore

Twenty Five

I wake with a start, gasping for air. My room is always cold, but my body is drenched in sweat.

"That's it," my dad's exasperated voice greets me, and it's only now I realize that he's standing at the door. "You're staying home from school today."

My eyes widen as palpitations pound against my ribcage. My cold symptoms have somehow gotten ten-times worse since two days ago.

"Dad, no," alarm fills my voice. "You took one look at me. Once I'm up and moving, I'll be fine."

He shakes his head and gestures to the window in my room. "You slept through your alarm, Indi. You are too sick to go to school."

My chest heaves up and down as I look at the time on my phone. 8:45.

School starts in five minutes.

Trepidation courses through my veins as I get out of bed and stumble to my closet. I didn't even plan an outfit last night.

"Indi, lay down. I'm not driving you to school."

"Then I'll walk."

"You were complaining about how tired the stairs at school made you yesterday. You're not going to be able to walk."

He's got me there.

"Then I'll call an Uber."

"Indi, lay back down." It's not a request, it's a command.

I slam my closet door shut, trying to push back the tears in my eyes. "Dad, I can not stay home." It hurts just to talk, but I push through it. "The quarter ends in a few weeks."

"I know," he says, his voice much more gentle. "But I care more about your health than your grades. Your body needs rest."

As hard as I try not to cry, I fail. Droplets spill down my face and I put my forehead on the closet door. "I need to go," my voice is weak as I speak. "You don't understand."

He takes a few steps forward and tries to pull me into a hug, but I'm too frustrated to allow him to do so. I hold a hand up, gesturing him away.

"It's okay that you're upset with me, but I've made my decision."

And then he's gone.

I drop to the floor and hug my knees to my chest. Breathing becomes progressively more difficult and I feel a little stupid everytime I cough.

I'm not sure how long I sit like that, letting tears fall onto my pajama pants, but it's not like I can move.

The only thing that pulls me out is a notification coming from my phone. I get up off the ground and let myself collapse on the bed.

It's a text from my best friend.

Lihn Chau: Where are you?

Me: My dad made me stay home :(

Lihn Chau: Luckyyy, I wish my parents MADE me stay home

I'm not sure why, but that only makes me cry harder.

I need to be at school right now. I can't flunk out of a class this late into highschool.

My phone begins ringing with a call and I go to decline it, but then I read the contact name and lose self-control.

"Indigo?" Ezra's voice greets me when I answer the call.

I let out a deep sigh. "Why aren't you in class right now, Clancy?" My voice is so croaky that I honestly want to just die.

"She's making us finish the worksheet from yesterday and the video is online, so I'm just going to watch it later," he says. "Where are you? Is everything okay?"

I sniffle and let out a soft laugh. It feels so good just to hear his voice. "I'm at home and I'm fine."

He goes silent before requesting FaceTime. I accept, but turn my camera off.

He's holding his phone below his face, revealing his handsomely cut jawline. When he looks down at the screen, he kisses his teeth. "Turn your camera on."

I inhale deeply, or at least try to, although it doesn't work very well. "Why?"

"You thought I wanted to FaceTime so you could see my face?" He looks ahead of him as he continues down a hall at school.

Another laugh escapes my mouth. "Just Google me, Clancy. Actually, no, search my name up on Pinterest. They have the better photos."

His eyebrows raise when he looks back down at the screen. "You're some kind of celebrity now, huh?"

"Babe, I was a celebrity before I was even born."

My smile falls and his does too. I just called him babe. And for an awkward moment, the call is silent.

He brings the phone closer to his face and I get a clear shot of the school's roof as he speaks right into the mic. "Turn the camera on, babe."

I roll my eyes. "Why?"

"You've got a real pretty face." He pulls the camera back so I can see his full face as he flashes a smile at me.

A wide grin spreads across my lips, despite the drop streaming down the side of my face. "Not right now."

"Hm," he hums. "I can be the judge of that, but I warn you, I might be a little biased."

I breathe out a laugh as I swipe at the tears of my face. "Fine, but just...prepare yourself, okay? I haven't slept well in, like, a week, and my cold is only getting worse."

He remains silent up until I put my camera back on. His eyes shift to the screen before a grin tugs at the corners of his lips. "See? Pretty. But you got a little something in the corner of your mouth there."

I look at my reflection, trying not to cringe at my appearance. And then I spot the dried drool coming down the side of my lips. Gross.

I rub it away and as I do, I also notice that I'm not crying anymore.

"So are you gonna tell me why you sounded so upset when I answered?" he asks.

"Because–" I let out a quick, but heavy puff of air. "I'm gonna fail all my classes and end up living my life as an ambitionless, burnt out, trust-fund baby, unable to keep any relationships and always on some cruise or first class flight, demanding that everything be handed to me because I'm a spoiled little brat."

He's silent for a moment, but his eyebrows slightly raise. "That's gonna happen because you're missing one day of school?"

"I know it's stupid, but I can't–" I cut myself off when I feel my eyes well up again. "It's dramatic, but that's what my mind sounds like," I whisper because my voice doesn't have the power to get any louder. "It's so loud."

He pulls his phone back down to that low angle. "It's not dramatic or stupid. You're catastrophizing."

"Calling it by an intelligent, psychological term doesn't make it any better."

"I know." He's quiet for another moment. "When we hang up, examine the anxiety, alright? I know you probably want to run, but you can't overcome obstacles by running the other way." He pauses again. "Find out what you are able to control and put all your focus into controlling that one thing. And if you need a distraction, text me."

"Thank you." I flip to my side, smiling despite the stress simmering low at my feet. At least I have Ezra seems to be my new motto. "But don't hang up unless you have to, please."

He glances down at the screen with a grin of his own. "Of course."