Despite being nearly twenty-two, I had considered my life all but over before I went through the stones. My mother, father, and husband were all dead. I had nothing in my time. That was probably why I was quick to embrace the new life thrust before...
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Not Alone
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Since I woke up at 5am and found inspiration for this while curling my hair - I'll post for those who have been waiting forever. This is unedited and might undergo some changes before it becomes canon.
SPOILERS AHEAD
You've been warned. lol
After mustering my best withering glare and directing it in Dougal's direction. Not that the insufferable Highlander noticed, he had already begun captivating the murmuring crowd once more with his tale. Although, I hadn't escaped the notice of all the Scots of Castle Leoch. Murtagh, while saying nothing, shook his head at me warning me not to follow. But I ignored him.
With a look I hope displayed my indignation, I clutched at my skirts before bending down to pick up the shirt Jamie had tossed to the floor before chasing after the tortured Highlander into the night.
It wasn't hard to find Jamie pacing between two trees. His posture alone warned that he should be left alone. I knew he was angry and that stubborn pride of his hated when people pitied him. But he wasn't going to get any pity from me and I silently prayed that his temper didn't make him forget that.
If he noticed me as I drew nearer, he didn't make it known to me. Instead, he continued to pace, or rather stomp, between the trees and mutter under his breath. While I'm sure Murtagh thought I was risking my life by chasing after Jamie in this state, I wasn't completely insane. So, still clutching his torn shirt, I sat down on the grass several yards away and simply watched him.
Jamie had every right to be angry and I didn't intend to stop him in his justified pursuit. I just wanted to be there. If by some chance he needed me. Thus far in our relationship, it had been I who needed him and I just wanted him to know that if we were truly going to make this work, he could depend on me.
After about another half dozen laps between trees, Jamie stopped for a moment and looked at me. The moonlight highlighted his handsome features and I felt my heartbeat begin to quicken. It had never been like this with Stephen and I wondered if my heartbeat would always betray my desire for him, even in the years to come.
"I dinna ask for your company," Jamie retorted in a clipped tone.
I nodded in understanding and then tucked a stray tendril of hair behind my ear.
"I dinna require ye," he rephrased. "I dinna require anyone. I'm fine."
I motioned between the trees. "By all means, carry on as you were."
He opened his mouth to argue with me, but I held up a lone finger for him to allow me to continue. His eyes narrowed at me, but he pursed his lips to let me speak.
I quickly nodded my head in thanks before continuing. "In my experience, when I ask to be alone, I might mean it initially but tend to let stubbornness and pride get in the way when what I really want is someone to simply be there, even if they have nothing to say. The true weight of being alone rarely brings comfort especially when what we crave is to know that we aren't alone in our burdens or joys."
He stared at me, blinking slowly, as he digested my words.
"Deal with your anger however suits you best. Just know that I find it justified and that whether you require me or not, I'm here for you, Jamie. Silently or not. And no amount of your stubborn barking is going to change that."
He swallowed hard. I could tell he was struggling with my words. While everything I had told him since we met had been true . . . or mostly true, I could tell that he didn't trust easily. I knew that he trusted me to an extent, but I could also tell he had built stone walls around his heart to protect himself.
I shivered against the wind that had begun to pick up. I looked up at him trying to control my shivers. I debated using his torn shirt as a makeshift shawl, but I didn't want to draw attention to the item and make him start his process of dealing with his anger all over again.
His face softened slightly as he sighed. "Lass, yer shivering."
"I can handle a little wind," I responded as I rubbed my hands up and down my arms. I licked my lips before adding in a hushed tone, "Especially for you."
I assumed he heard my addition because he sighed in frustration before beginning to walk toward me. "If yer no going to leave, I'll no be able to think with yer teeth rattlin'."
I arched my brow at him as he approached. But I said nothing. I simply watched him as he settled down on the grass behind me and pulled me against him, wrapping his arms tightly around me. I snuggled back against him, immediately feeling the warmth that radiated off him.
He rested his chin on my shoulder and whispered in my ear. "Dinna mistake me, Ruthie. I dinna wanna talk . . ."
I nodded my head, acknowledging his demand without further explanation. I needed him to know that I trusted him and his judgment. But mostly, I needed him to know that no matter what - I would be there for him.
