Damsel in Control (18+ Only) - The Rogue Pack

Chapter 33

Saul nods, and there's a brief pause in the conversation as if he's waiting to see if I'll say more. But two can play at the waiting game, and I've decided that I am not going to incriminate myself at all if I can avoid it. It's none of his business anyway.

Luckily, although I'm not sure who for, the waiter chooses this exact moment to bring our pizzas over. I dig in hungrily, pointedly ignoring Saul who is simply picking at his food, uncertainty clear on his facial expression.

I look down again, focusing on my pizza that is rapidly disappearing. Saul's cutlery clatters loudly down onto the table, and my head jerks up in response to the loud noise.

"Reyna. I'm asking you this for a reason." He takes a deep breath, and my entire being seems to freeze as I focus on him, clinging desperately to whatever his next words will be. Will they tell me that I'm a wanted woman? Or will they confirm that I've finally found a true friend?

"I'm asking you because I'm gay. Well, technically... sort of... I'm part of the gay community. And I need you to know that about me so that you can decide whether or not you want to keep seeing me, and hopefully one day becoming my friend?"

And in that instant, I finally understand. Saul was never out to get me, he too was simply looking for a friend who wouldn't condemn him for what he is. I think back to our previous interactions, the way he was glared at by the nameless bartender I ended up sleeping with, the actions of the waitress and then the manager when we went out for dinner, the way he dresses in such a chic way and yet is never approached by a single female. I wonder how many people knew what I could never even have guessed at. And he has been as nervous as I have this entire time, desperately fearful that I did not know the truth and that I would reject him as soon as I did.

"I see..." I'm not sure what to say next. "What do you mean by sort of?" In my mind, you're either gay or not, I'm not quite sure how you can be 'sort of' gay.

"Well, there are some things, you know, to consider, when you're allocating a label. But I identify as gay, in that I am a man who prefers to sleep with other men. Why don't we just start with that?" Saul's eyes are hopeful, but also pleading that I will accept this small part of his secret. Honestly, it's enough for me.

"Alright. Cheers to you being gay!" I lift my glass, hoping I've responded appropriately enough. I don't want to seem rude, or ask a hundred ignorant questions. I want to show that I'm a friend, who is supportive, and who is going to continue being a friend regardless of what other new information he presents me with. Saul seems to hesitate, and I suddenly doubt myself, and then a huge grin splits across his face and he raises his glass to clink mine.

"And cheers to good friends." I smile back wholeheartedly, my shoulders a hundred times lighter now that I can see him smile. Another gay... I wonder if I should share my recent realisation. I hesitate for barely a millisecond before the big smile plastered across his face works its magic on me.

"And can I tell you something?" Saul nods, now finally tucking in to his pizza. It's as if the stress leaving his body has left a large hole that he seems determined to fill with carbs and cheese.

"I.. erm." I clear my throat. "I think I may also be part of the community... you know, of the gays."

Saul roars with laughter, his head falling back as he laughs loudly enough to gain the attention of every other customer.

"Oh girl, I could have told you that from day one."

***

I walk back towards my home with my head held high. I'm now sure that I made the right decision in going to meet Saul instead of Alice. As much as I like Alice, and as much as I'm attracted to her - which I can't believe I can now say with confidence - there's no denying that she is still a human. I think Aida could potentially come around to the idea of dating a woman, but a human? If I'm being honest even I would struggle with that. I just wouldn't know when, or even how, to tell them that I'm a werewolf. How would one even start that conversation?

I was initially unsure, wondering whether I had made a mistake in heading to Ktukda to meet Saul. But the only thing I could have really old Alice is that I wasn't sure about how I felt and to be honest I wasn't sure whether spending more time with her would be a good idea. I already feel a certain connection and attraction there, which would only grow with more time spent together, and therefore would only hurt all the more when I finally came to the logical realisation that I couldn't be with her because of her humanity.

No, a dinner with Saul to solidify our friendship was the right decision. But I do owe it to Alice to at least give her an explanation. As I fall asleep that night, my mind is already formulating a plan for what I need to tell Alice. Now that I've started to accept my queerness, I guess telling her that I'm not into girls is no longer an option unless I'm willing to lie. Maybe I could play the uncertainty card? The 'I'm still exploring and discovering myself and being in a relationship would just be unfair' card. But that could go against me if she decides to help me in my 'explorations'. Maybe honesty is the best way to go...

My brain concocts the whole scenario in my sleep, filling my dreams with images of Alice. At first they remain tame, a simple conversation at work where I tell her that we can only be friends as I'm not looking to date,to which she nods and smiles, and we go back to our day. Then it progresses to a scene on the front porch of her house, I declare that I am too uncertain, too unsure after my past relationships. That I would feel bad for leading her on, to which she bursts into floods of tears, clinging to me as she begs me not to leave, her slim arms wrapping around my shoulders until I hug her close, tears falling onto my shoulder as she clings to me for support in her heartbreak. Then we're in her house, sitting on her sofa as I explain that I don't know for sure if I'm gay, that I would feel unfair stringing her along without knowing what I want. In response, she simply wraps her arms around me, softly kissing my cheek as she curls into me. The kiss is so soft, so delicate on my cheek, barely a whisper of her lips against my skin, but it leaves me burning for more. When I don't move, she kisses me again, a little harder and a little closer to my lips. I open my mouth to repeat my statement, but when I look down I immediately forget my good intentions. Alice's face is mere centimetres from me, watching my internal struggle as litters butterfly kisses on my collarbone. Pupils fully dilated. Her gaze so intense in front of me, those beautiful features mere centimetres from my touch, from my lips, easily within reach. So, lost in the beauty of my dreams, I finally give in. Lowering my lips to hers, I taste the sweetness of her mouth, the softness of her lips as they mould to mine, the two of us moving in harmony. I kiss her again, more deeply, urgency fueling my movements in my desperation to feel more of her.

So what did you think of that secret guys? Leave me a comment if you saw it coming, leave a vote if it came as a surprise - lets see how good my hinting was! 

Hope you're enjoying Reyna's story xx