dancing in the stars (ballerina x singer wlw romance)

chapter seventeen

Why do you care? We're not friends.

"What's wrong?" Maya asks, before I can overthink more than I already did.

"Nothing, I just... It's nothing." I don't recognize my own voice.

"Is it your mom?"

I freeze. "What?"

She presses her lips together. "Yeah, your mom. She was here the day you went Summer's. She said she needed you, I told you this."

"No, you didn't." my hands start shaking and I place them over my lap before Maya can notice.

"Yes, I did."

"No, Maya. You haven't. I– fuck." I stand up and walk to my room.

Maya follows behind me and if she's talking, I don't hear her. My mom was here. My mom went looking for me because I didn't send the money. My mom met one of my two friends. What did she say? What did she want? Did she told Maya about my crappy childhood?
You're a failure.
You're nothing.
You'll always be your mother's daughter.
You'll never be good at singing.
Your mom will never leave you alone.
You will always be haunted by her.
By them.
My left ear starts ringing and my brain stops functioning. My chest constricts and all the air is sucked from my lungs. The nausea hits me out of nowhere when my stomach twists.
My hands shake, I open my eyes but they are unfocused and I can't see.

You're not good enough. You're not lovable. Your mother didn't love you. Your father left you. You'll always be that little girl scared to fall asleep in her own house.
Everyone leaves because you're not enough. Everyone uses you, including your mother.

"Willow? Willow, listen to me."
I know that voice. I heard it before, I try to cling to it– trying to breath but I can't.
"Willow, you're fine, okay? Breathe with me. Can you listen to me?"

I nod, or at least I think I do, the fog clears with her voice. The darkness fading away just as she whispers that I'm okay, safe and nothing is going to happen to me.
A few minutes passes before my eyes manage to focus again, taking in the overwhelmingly bright lights of my room and the sound of the rain tapping against the window.
I'm in my room. I'm okay.

"Hey, you're okay." that voice– Maya says, her hands lead me to my bed and I let her.
My throat feels dry and my tongue feels like I just ate sand.

"What–"

"You were having a panic attack." her words ring on my ear as I watch her take a step back and go to my nightstand, she grabs my water bottle and holds it to me.
"Drink this, you're okay." she tells me in a sweet voice and I do as she says, the liquid rolls down my throat, helping the knot I've been feeling to go away.
"Do you want to talk about it?" she asks when I finish the whole thing. I shake my head and she nods, looking unsure of what to do. "I'll be right back."

She leaves my room, closing the door behind her. I try to keep myself in the present with everything that just happened in the last few minutes. My mom came here, probably to ask for money since I haven't sent her anything. Summer is missing– well, not missing but... why?
My stomach twists with nausea, I feel like I'm going to throw up everything I just ate.
I reach for my phone, Maya must've brought it with her from the kitchen. A lot of messages I haven't opened yet stare back at me. My mom's chat with ten unread messages. I didn't dare to open them before and I don't want to now. I won't.

The door opens again, footsteps getting closer until Maya reappears in front of me holding a chocolate bar. "Chocolate helps with everything."

My hands shake as I grab it. "How... how did you manage to help me?" my voice sounds heavy and I feel embarrassed that Maya just saw me in that condition.