Adventure To Nowhere

Chapter 03: The Perfection

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If every single thing were to be perfect, then what a boring life it would be. Every person would achieve satisfaction, that is if satisfaction really existed, or is just merely a word in the dictionary.

Here in the classroom where every single person strives for perfection chaos arises whenever three quizzes were to be given by our three different lecturers in a single day. Their faces were shoved into their books and was muttering what sound like chants to me. Some have their eyes closed, memorizing their notes word for word. Others were either paired or grouped, quizzing each other. Feeling lazy and somewhat unbothered I did not spare a glance on the notes at my desk. I have already read them at home, there is no need to read it again. Reading the same thing over and over again bores me.

I thought and yet I could not help myself from reciting what I have learned in my mind every time I look outside. I relax myself and let my back lay on the back of the chair. This way I could listen to those that sits behind me. They are quizzing each other. Every time they ask a question, I answer immediately and waited to see if my answer is correct.

Often, I answered correctly but some questions got me dazed and confused. When they were done reviewing, I was too, or so I thought. Every glance at the view outside is equivalent to one statement I have seen or read in my notes. Every word I have heard from those around me are equivalent to an explanation in my mind. Every person walking past the corridor an answer to a probable question, my predictions through understanding and knowing the lecturers better through their movements, expressions, and the words they use during discussions. Their subtle smile and shifting of eyes, that is how I could predict them, their emotions, intentions, and their next actions. Not only my lecturers but also around me. Maybe I am just an assuming or judgmental person but really, I have no way of knowing for I cannot see myself.

Everybody whether one likes it or not strives for perfection. Perfection I guess results to recognition and approval from those close to you and even from those who does not know you at all. In the classroom perfection is sought presumably for acceptance as well as recognition. That is one that I could read yet at the same time I do not have enough reason to prove it. Why would one wants acceptance? Can one not live without it? Or maybe perfection is needed to be achieved to prove oneself is great but really why?

I have been answered by a close friend of mine though the topic is out of context.

Why would you wear lipstick no one's going to see it because you are wearing a facemask? I remembered what I had asked her as well as the look she gave me, she was very much offended. Her reply: I am not doing it for them, I'm doing it for myself. Maybe striving to achieve perfection does not have to do anything with acceptance and recognition but maybe it is for one to achieve happiness. But depending your happiness on perfection would mean never really achieving true happiness because there is no such thing as perfect in such an imperfect world.

I look at the classmate seated in front of me, she is fast asleep. Her head is on the table of her chair and her arms made it so that no one could see her face. I stare at her and smile, class has not even started yet, and she is already sleeping. I lift my hand and check the time on my watch. It is only half past six. Nothing really exciting happens but I kept my eyes on her until I was distracted by another one of my classmates. She is seated up front and is reviewing her materials silently, occasionally looking away from it. She is memorizing her notes, afterwards a smile would appear on her lips, a small celebration she does whenever she achieves her goals.

I hold my notes and starts rereading it, ordered by the repeating voices in my head. I read it multiple times before putting it back down on my table.

"Hey Froy, can I borrow your notes?" A friend of mine asked, I nod and hand him my reviewer. I had a feeling I was not going to read anymore of it. I look outside the window. After the harsh winds, leaves fall down from the trees. It is a very beautiful scene making those who sees it to be mesmerized and dazed.

"Froy, do you have notes from last week's discussion?" Another friend of mine asked snapping me back to reality.

"They have mine, can you give it back to me once you guys are finished?" I pointed to the person who is holding my notes, it was not the same friend that borrowed it from me. He went to their direction, leaving me.

I stare at nothingness once more, reciting my notes to ease the boredom I feel. A classmate enters the room with a smile on his face, he is going to make an announcement to the class that would surely brighten their faces.

"All tests for this day are postponed ." He announced still with a big smile on his face. Many of my classmates are happy but some are annoyed and disappointed. I could tell by their endless muttering and the way their eyes look at others.

I could careless, honestly, I did not stay up all night memorizing my notes, but I did stay up all night questioning everything that comes into my mind. Another part of my daily routine that I rarely miss and wish to get rid of. It drives me insane, and my only wish is for it to disappear so that I could prevent myself from punishing my own mind. "Relax." A mantra I chant to myself every single night.

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