Adventure To Nowhere

Chapter 01: The Plan

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Every day I follow my same old routine, if it were a record disc it will be very scratched by now. Deep in thoughts I look at the view outside. One of the perks I get for having an assigned seat near the window. The same old boring school field and trees at the very beat up sidewalk. I do not get why I need to be here. Before I was very interested in every of my lectures even if I dislike the subjects but as of right now, I could not care less.

Yes, I am still listening to lectures yet not focused as before. The reason being I could not understand why I need to do so. The problem I guess lies in me. I remain my focus outside, keeping my hearing on the lecturer.

" what would be the answer to question number two?" I stand and look at my teacher whose focus were entirely on me. He is trying to embarrass me.

"Sir, the answer in question number two is letter A." I take a sit and witness him nod, a signal that my answer is correct. He walks away from my area back to the blackboard and starts to write. After making sure that he was not watching me anymore I look back at the view outside. Nothing changed really, I know not of what I am expecting.

"That will be it for today, I'll see you again tomorrow." Our lecturer walks out of class. It is now breaktime being lazy and unmotivated as I am I rarely go out to the canteen instead I remain seated and ate quietly, alone. I take out what I pack, biscuits and a water bottle.

My mother gives me enough pocket money to buy food at school but really, I am not that interested. Rushing through tight crowds because of a not well managed line, not my thing. I will just get too hot-headed and give up after a while. The result being tired and irritated whilst really not achieving anything but anger.

I looked outside the window, starring blankly at the trees. Ignoring the number of students at the corridor. The students were there to chat with their friends, it is nothing new. It is a part of their everyday school routine.

What were they talking about?

Because of the boredom I feel everyday whilst talking to myself I can say that I have picked up a very bad habit of prying into other people's business. A habit I want to get rid of completely but what else can I do, I am bored.

I cannot simply ignore them, how could I when I could hear them loud and clear. Though that is how far I let myself into it. After listening while they were talking, I will forget their conversations after two days. I do not feel the need to remember it, I could not get what they were talking about. I need not to remember a conversation I could not connect with or understand.

The next lecturer entered the classroom. I did not even notice the time that went by because I was talking to my 'lonesome self'. A branding I declared myself as.

The discussion started as soon as the whole class greeted the lecturer. I listened but after a while my hands felt restless, and I was thinking of a way to ease this restlessness. I reached inside my bag to find my pencil case, getting a hold of a black ink pen as well as a notebook, I regularly bring to school to take down notes.

Another reason why I had a hard time focusing on literally everything for these couple of days is the pressure I felt in choosing my course for college and my future career. It has not left my mind even for just a minute. In all honesty my head aches every time it enters my mind. Not only that but in a month, I will be turning 'eighteen'. I will be an adult who knows everything yet knows nothing about the world and life.

I open my notebook, the first thing that was brought up to me was my messy notes and a handwriting I could not understand. I found a blank page and started to write mindlessly. I gave my hand freedom to write whatever it desires.

Things I want to do before turning 'eighteen:

I grin while reading the first things I have written. Where does such thoughts came from? What would I really want to do though before turning 'eighteen'? I myself had no idea why I would write such a crazy thing.

1.Go to all bookstores at the Capital City on my own. I smiled, internally laughing at myself. I do not know why I wrote down such a thing. Maybe because of my endless love of reading and literature though I had a hard time understanding what I have read.

2.Go to large malls on my own. The desire to go on an adventure to the unknown all by myself never leaves me yet thinking about it makes me anxious and very nauseous. I never leave home on my own. I always go out with my family but never really own my own. I have a very hard time remembering directions as well as navigating. Maybe because I never really went out if I had no reason too.

3.Stay at a friend's house. This one is not possible at all. Truthfully, I have no close friends. It is not that I do not have any friends, I just don't have a friend close enough to me to do such a reckless thing. I cross it out and though of a replacement for it.

3.Go to an anime convention. There is no need for any explanation, I too love watching anime. A fact about myself that shocks even my friends. One of my escapes from reality.

For now, this ends my list. The plan I would never do or achieve. I could not think of anymore things I wanted to do so I close my notebook look at the lecturer who is still talking and shifted my attention at the view outside, still nothing changed.

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"With roots in the Dutch language, Dolen is a sweet and masculine name that means wanderer."

https://yaysome.com/names-that-mean-lost/