The Secret Diary of Charlie Dalton

ballad of a homeschooled girl

Charlie never did anything with a guy before. That had three reasons:

1. He was afraid someone would find out. His dad or Nolan, didn't matter. If one knew, so did the other. He couldn't even imagine the consequences. He'd have to leave Welton, which meant he had to leave his friends. He'd be disowned. He'd probably be beaten to death.

2. He was afraid of himself. He wasn't sure why though. Charlie had no problem with Todd and Neil, quite the opposite, he was rooting for them. They came to him to rant about each other. He was the only one who knew about the stolen kisses. But something in Charlie hated him for being like that, for loving like that. If he didn't hook up with guys he could pretend he was straight.

3. He was too loyal to Knox, which was terribly stupid, because Knox wasn't loyal to him. There was no reason to be, they weren't dating and Knox didn't even have these... tendencies. He had Chris and they were happy and they deserved this. It still held Charlie back.

So how did he end up pressing Elton Brown against the wall of the toilet stall? How did their lips end up crashing against each other? How did their hands end up feeling each other up? How did he end up with hickeys all over his chest?

He knew how of course. A secret party after a successful soccer match. A bit too much to drink for both boys. Suggestive jokes, that ended up leading to more. Charlie also knew what a dangerous game he was playing. This was school, someone could walk in any second. Getting busted for a party was a fall he could take, getting busted for making out with a fellow male student in a toilet stall certainly wasn't. Not to mention the uncertainty of wether or not Elton could be trusted. For all Charlie knew, by tomorrow there could be rumours the boy spread to save his own ass.

They wouldn't go further than this. It would be stolen kisses and nothing more. Charlie had learned from past experiences. Experiences with girls, of course. He didn't have an explanation for the marks that graced his body. He knew how to hide them, but there was no hiding in situations like these. He thought about the hickeys, about how he would disguise them. He would find a way. He always did.

But tonight they were together, and they were alive. They weren't thinking of the drunk boys a few rooms over that they considered their friends. They also didn't think of the teachers that could walk in on them.
What Charlie, however, was painfully aware of was the bile rising in the throat. When he couldn't stop it anymore, he pushed Elton away.

"Shit, I'm gonna-" Without getting to finish his sentence, he was on his knees and retching into the toilet bowl next to them. Elton seemed to try to get as far away from him as possible, turning white himself. Charlie wasn't stupid, he knew the other boy thought this was disgusting.
"You can leave." He pressed out, breath heavy, while attempting to sound as nonchalant as possible.
"It's fine." Elton tried to play it cool, but he still pressed himself into the corner of the stall furthest away from Charlie. They were touching nonetheless, because there wasn't much room to escape. Charlie desperately wished someone like Todd, or Neil, or Knox would be here, holding his forehead and massaging small circles into his back to soothe him.

His prayers seemed to be answered when the bathroom door opened. "And like, her hair looks like the hair of the angels you put on top of the christmas tree. I could write about that, right?" That was unmistakably Knox. And the laugh that followed was definitely Neil. The door of the stall next to theirs opened and closed, and he guessed that Knox was the one waiting, because he kept rambling about ways to make Chris swoon. Charlie was so disgusted by that, that he threw up again.

Knox stopped his rambling and Neil left the stall. "Who's there?" Neil asked, while Charlie heard the sink running. Elton didn't answer them and when Charlie turned to look at him, he could see the other boy panicking. "It's me." He manages to get out. His throat is sore. "I had to throw up and Elton Brown came along to help me. I didn't have the time to look for you, but if you don't mind I think the poor boy is about to pass out. So if you could switch with him..." He looked expectantly at the guy he made out with minutes ago. In return he unlocked the door and stumbled out of the room without acknowledging Neil or Knox.
It was so easy for him to lie about what just went down. He did it without thinking. Lying just happened.