Red vs Blue (Season Three) | A Courier Guy (Male Oc) (HIATUS)

(Eps 9) It's a Biological Fact

Tex: It's too heavy, okay? You happy?

Grif: Yeah kinda.

Tex: I need one of you idiots to carry it. I don't have the upper body strength to move it on my own.

Grif: See, girls act like they're so tough, but the first time they need someone to move a couch, who do they call.

Tex: ...

Grif: Please don't kill me.

Sarge: (walking to the volleybomb) Ahh, go ahead and kill him. We could use the armor for spare parts. Here, this thing doesn't look so heavy, let me t-yooo that thing ain't movin'!

Caboose: I can carry it.

Tex: I guarantee you'll need two people. Like Specs or Ren.

Ren: No.

Tex: Really, Ren?

Ren: Yes, really.

Tucker: No it's true, he's got crazy strength. Church, Specs, courier and I think it's God's way of compensating.

Spectator: Yeah...

Caboose: (lifting the bomb) See...

Sarge: Great Paul's Bunyan, he's like an ox.

Caboose: But I have no horns... or lumberjack friends.

Ren: What the fuc- how? Now, I'm thinking he is a super elite soldier that got amnesia.

Grif: Come on, no way it can be that bad. Let me give it a-

Caboose hands over the bomb to Grif, who promptly drops it, making the screen shake.

Grif: Wheaugh! Hugh. Okay, you can carry it.

Sarge: Alright, then we'll storm in there, blow up O'Malley, leave Grif for dead, and maybe find some clues about what happened to Church and Lopez.

Tex: You mean your robot? He's in there with him.

Sarge: Lopez is in the building?

Cut to the Lopez head and Doc/O'Malley/Baron Von Evil Satan.

Lopez: [That red guy is really starting to get on my nerves.]

Doc: He keeps asking me if I've accepted the flag as my saviour. I'm just not comfortable talking about religion in the workplace.

O'Malley: Oh no, here he comes.

Red Zealot: Master, Headmaster, I have finished the duties you assigned me.

O'Malley: You polished all the curtains?

Red Zealot: Yes! And the ammunition too! It was like cleaning the impurities from my very essence!

O'Malley: What about the evil windmill?

Red Zealot: I greased the engine and filled it with gas. It was like giving my own soul a tune-up!

O'Malley: Yes yes, alright fine. Why don't you see about patching up some of these holes in the walls. I think there's some sinister spackle in the toolshed.

Red Zealot: Excellent idea, sir. It will probably help keep out that crowd of people that's been gathering on the beach.

O'Malley: Yes of course, all the people on the beach, blah blah blah blah blah. Wait. What did he say?