Annie's Death

Chapter 4: The Menty-B

Josh Hutcherson skipped across Manchester, New York, his face squarer than ever before. His nose protruded from his face, stabbing Teresa in the back with its sharp blade of bread. Annie swung her fists at him gorgeously and backflipped onto his shoulders. Josh galloped around the city with Annie on his back. He crashed into seven yellow taxis and killed eighty-five people. Sad!

Teresa stared at the sky dumbly, her eyes swirling around like peas in a graham cracker. Her wheaty face dribbled all over the ground onto black pieces of dried gum. Her shoes wiggled incessantly as they convulsed at Josh Hutcherson's eyebrow piercing. 

"Josh Hutcherson has an eyebrow piercing?!" Teresa yowled in amazement. "Well, smash!" She flew over to him and punched him in the face. "Literally!" She cackled maniacally at her amazing joke. 

Josh Hutcherson fell over and died an extremely painful death. 

Annie thronged around.

Once, there was a boy named Jack. Jack and his mother were very poor. Jack sold a cow for magical beans. Jack planted said magical beans. Said magical beans grew into a bean stalk. Jack climbed said bean stalk. Jack met a giant at the top of the beanstalk. Jack stole rich goods from said giant. Jack and his mother became rich from said rich goods. Said giant got mad and lumbered down the beanstalk. Jack sawed said beanstalk until it fell. Said giant fell with the beanstalk and died. 

Teresa bashed her head into the giant's decomposing body and sniffed up his organs. She grew into Santa Claus. Her long, white beardy beard dangled on her chin and swung back and forth like winter on a summery autumn day in the middle of spring. The fitted sheet on her bed tangled around her and suffocated her. Luckily, she was Santa Claus, so she had magical powers and was able to escape the fitted sheet.

Annie screamed with joy and bit her mother in excitement, tears of anguish streaming down her face. As the giant rotted away, Annie and Teresa made a home inside its ribcage. They decorated the bones with little pink bows and hearts until it looked super cute. The first time Connie caught sight of their new house, she fell over and wormed around in the dirt until she became a grub.

Annie and Teresa kept Connie the grub in a little terrarium and made sure to take good care of her. Once Connie had grown back into a baby, she smashed out of her terrarium and ate its broken shards. The shards chopped up her intestines into itty bitty pieces, but luckily she was able to find some new ones on Ebay. 

Teresa walloped around aggressively. Her feet dangled off of her legs like disgusting little toes. Annie pointed at her mother's feet and yelped in terror. The girl's mouth twisted into a thigh, causing her to accidentally sit on her own face.

Oh yeah, I forgot about Jack and his mother. 

Jack and his mother lived with Annie, Teresa, and Connie. Jack's mom's name was actually Willy-Nilly. After Teresa had turned into Santa Claus, Willy-Nilly fell in love with her.

"Santa's beard is just too good of an opportunity to pass up!" Willy-Nilly argued.

They got married, and Jack became Teresa's stepson. This also meant that Annie and Jack were step-siblings. Connie was not related to the family whatsoever because, after all, she had just spawned into their lives a few weeks earlier. It would've been unethical to abandon a baby, so the family just decided to keep her so they wouldn't look weird.

Connie's left hand grew so big that it could no longer fit in Teresa's mouth. For this reason, Connie became the queen of the household. Her huge hand was so gorgeous and beautiful that it mesmerized and killed everybody who looked at it, so Teresa, Annie, Jack, and Willy-Nilly all had to wear blindfolds around her. Luckily Connie didn't have any problems looking at her own hand, so she was totally fine!

Eventually, Annie accidentally caught a glimpse of Connie's enlarged, swollen fingers, and she flung herself onto the ground and began flopping around. Her neck disappeared, and she could no longer move her head. She sobbed but her snot clogged up her eyes until she was blind, causing her to stop looking at Connie's hand. The side effects stopped, but she remained neckless forever.

A bee flew into the family's home and stung Connie's giant hand, causing it to shrink back into a normal size. "Thanks!" Connie said gratefully to the bee, whose body was now severed in half from stinging her.

Now that Connie was normal again, her position as queen was revoked. The family placed the severed bee into a cute little bug coffin and had a funeral for it. They all sobbed because of how ugly the bee looked now that its body was split in half.

"It's just so...so atrocious!" Teresa screeched, falling into Connie's arms and wailing like a sweaty man. Connie was crushed into a waffle under Teresa's weight. 

Suddenly, Ashton the hairy baby pancake ball came back to life and married Connie. They moved into the giant's skull next door and had seven kids once they were reasonably old enough and responsible enough to have seven kids. All seven kids were super hairy and had to be shaved once a week otherwise they'd get tangled up and wouldn't be able to move. Ashton's hair turned gray and he died. Connie shrank back into the baby she'd always been and moved back in with Teresa, Annie, Jack, and Willy-Nilly. Her seven children swam away and became God.

A tomato rolled into Jack, tripping him. He fell on top of his mother and killed her because he was just really sharp. He stuck his tongue out and tasted some salt. Then he got drunk and became a mechanic, turning Willy-Nilly's body into a car. He and Annie drove the car around for fun. Teresa sat on top of her rib house and gazed longingly at the horizon, hoping that someday she'd be able to have a batmobile.