Fairy Night Awards || CLOSED

SHORT STORIES WINNERS + REVIEWS

Plot: 9.5/10. The plot is straightforward and fits the story being told. The pacing is pretty solid and I noticed only one minor thing I'll mention below, but I don't think a minor thing is worth taking a lot of points off for.

This is a minor thing, but I was under the impression Yoongi didn't know Taehyung's name (when they met for the first time) since Jungkook never told him (I don't think? I reread the previous section to see if he said it, but I didn't see anything). It's reasonable that Jungkook would tell Yoongi his ex's name, but when Yoongi was meeting him, his name was concealed for several lines, which led me to believe Yoongi didn't know the name.

Like I said, it's a small thing so I'll only take off 0.5 for it, but it did cause me confusion and I had to go back and reread to see if I missed something. My recommendation would be to maybe start with Taehyung's name being revealed, that way it isn't misleading. Like I said, because the man's (Taehyung's) names was concealed for the first part of the confrontation, I was led to believe Yoongi didn't know Taehyung's name. And/or you can have Jungkook explicitly say Taehyung's name to Yoongi so it sets up Yoongi knowing the name.

Otherwise, I noticed no inconsistencies or plot holes.

Pacing: 10/10. The story unfolds at a good pace that isn't too fast or too slow. I have no criticisms for the pacing.

Creativity: 7/10. The story idea is simple but interesting and I have no criticisms for it. The sentence structure is unique and doesn't feel repetitive. I have some criticisms for the word choice, though.

There was some repetitive word choice. For example, words like "look," "still," "around," and "just" were used frequently. In the paragraph starting with, "Yoongi stepped around the corner again," there are three uses of "around" in only four sentences. I would recommend diversifying the word choice, especially considering this is a short story with only a one hour read time, so the overuse of certain words is very noticeable.

For example, "just" is used in almost every section. When overusing emphasis words like "just," they lose their meaning after a while and can feel like filler in a sentence. That's why I recommend cutting down the usage of that word in particular because then the emphasis you're looking for is no longer in effect since readers are so used to seeing it.

Dialogue: 10/10. I like the way the dialogue is formatted and executed. I didn't notice any consistent or major errors with how the dialogue is formatted. The dialogue has a lot of fun and flair that makes the characters easy to tell apart when they're talking. I have no criticisms.

Worldbuilding: 10/10. Like the descriptions that I will speak about later, the worldbuilding is very solid and does a good job setting the scene. I have no criticisms for the worldbuilding and I think you did a good job with it.

Grammar/Spelling: 9/10. The grammar is pretty good throughout. There were small errors like medium-sized missing the hyphen (so "medium sized") while Yoongi was gathering Jungkook's stuff from Taehyung. However, since the small errors weren't consistent and happened few and far between, I'm not going to take points off for those tiny things.

I would recommend refraining from using all caps. I was okay with it when Jungkook was in his little space, but outside of it, it became hard to read. All caps can be very distracting and can slow reading speed, and they can also come across as you (the author) screaming at us (the audience) instead of the characters screaming at each. That's why I recommend refraining from using them (unless they're the name of something, like HYBE or BTS). I won't take off for the small errors I mentioned, but since all caps is very distracting, I am taking off a point for that.

Description: 8.5/10. The descriptions in the story are solid and do a good job showing the characters, environments, and objects. My one critique ties back to the creativity where the repetitive word choice is noticeable and slips into the descriptions as well. By changing up some of the word choice to be more unique, the descriptions could be even stronger. Still, even without that, I think the descriptions are well done, especially the opening description of the chilly gust of wind. That whole first paragraph was very well done and a good way to hook the audience into the story.