Dripping Exclusives

(7) The List

I chuckle, "That's nice but I'm busy."

"That's nice? Is this about Kianna? I promise you that ain't nothing. I'm deadass"

I turn around, trying to keep my composure. "You single so all that don't really matter. We just been spending too much time together. Imma start keeping my distance".

I don't liking catching feelings. I don't like not having control over how someone's actions or words can affect me.

My face softens, watching his face drop but he quickly masks it with a mug. "Keep your distance? We was just good yesterday"

"Lucas this ain't the place nor time for all this", it's crowds of people walking by and they're staring. I know people are starting to notice that we've become close. It'll eventually be blown out of proportion and bitches will start popping out the woodwork. I'm woman enough to admit that I can't handle all that. The way I felt this morning is enough.

I squeeze his hand, "Have a good day, Lucas". I give him a small smile quickly turning around before it drops.

"Amaya"

"Amaya", he calls out once again. I put in my airpods, drowning him out. "Damn" he smacks lips.

__________________________________________

  Submit, I press the button. The first of many applications for internships. I was finally facing my fears and just applying for anything that caught my interest. At some point you have to make some changes and you can't always control how big that change may be.

    I sit alone in my room, catching up on my to-do list for today. After the scene this morning, I wasn't in the mood to socialize. My plan was to charge my social battery since Ariana wanted to go out later.

    I close my laptop and go in my bedroom. I climb under the covers, getting comfortable. My phone vibrates and I look down at it seeing a notification from Lucas. I didn't expect this to bother him so much. Of course I wasn't expecting him to be nonchalant about but I didn't expect this reaction either.

   Lucas: Can we talk

   Shortly after, a knock sounds at my door. I put my face in my pillow, hoping whoever would just walk away. I knew it wasn't Ariana, she usually calls before coming over.

Lucas: ma, it's me

   I groan, putting on my slides and heading to the door. I step out the way so he can come outside. He seats on the loveseat, looking at me with low eyes. "Are you high?", I chuckle and he simply stares at me.

   "A little bit but this ain't about that. Why you trynna make distance?"

  He scoots over, his arms out for a hug but I back away. "You mad at me?"

   "No"

  "Amaya you need to speak the fuck up for real. You claim ain't shit wrong but you acting different. If I did something, you need to let me know", it's visible that he's becoming fed up.

   I sigh. "I'm really not mad at you. I know that may be hard for you to believe but I'm not. I heard the conversation between you and Kianna briefly, it just brought me back to reality. I don't know what transpired between y'all last week-"

     "Nothing, she saw me at one of my homeboys partied and tried to talk. Besides her feeling on me, it's nothing more than that", he states.

    His eyes never leaving mine. He wasn't fiddling with anything, just focused on me.

     I look away, "Whether something happened or not, I don't like the way I feel. At the end of the day it's not like we're dating or anything so we should just let this go while we're ahead"

   He scoffs at me, "You serious?"

  I don't respond. "You're running away because you caught feelings for me. That is the dumbest shit. I like you too, Amaya. Do you think that if this meant nothing I'll be going through all this?"

    He stands up, hovering over me. He holds my hands and I stand up to meet his level, somewhat. He's taller than me so I still felt smile in his gaze. It's my first time seeing him so serious, usually he's cracking jokes or smiling. "This is new for me too! I can't remember the last time I craved to be in a girl's presence or go out my way to learn more about them"

     My heart swells. We stare at each other, he searches my eyes for some kind of response since I can't make a verbal one.

   Apart of me feels so stupid. I don't even know why I caused this scene in the first place. This probably wouldn't be much of a scene if he would've just let me fall off the grid in peace. "I know", I mumble and walk into his embrace. I feel him relax against me, squeezing me tightly in his arms. "What does this mean", I ask him.

  "That you like me, I like you too", he continues and I frown.

    "Why do you make it sound so sad", he asks and I laugh.

   "It's not", I assure him. "It just takes me some time to process things which is why I usually sit on my thoughts for a while but you won't let me", I point my index finger in his chest. He shrugs, not feelings any ounce of shame on in his end. "You had all afternoon to figure that out", Lucas takes the opportunity to pull me in his lap. I try to get out of his grasp but he just grips me tighter.

    "Can I get a kiss", still completely ignoring me trying to move away.

   Delusion at its finest.

  I fight the urge to smile, leaning in to kiss him. "Can I move now?"

   "Nope we gone stay like this, I missed your mean ass"

   "I missed you too", I say softly. "But seriously, I have to get ready to go soon"

   "Where?"

  "Ariana is taking me to some lounge", I tell him, not really knowing much information on it. I'm along for the ride half the time. "You gone come spend the night once you get back?", he asks as he follows me to my room. I look back at him, smirking, "Nope".

   He smacks my ass, "Amaya stop playing with me for real"

    I look around the room, trying not to laugh. I go into the closet, "but i'm not though"

   He runs in, fake tackling me to the ground. He hovers on top of me, pinning my arms over my head. We're on top on some shoe boxes and he kisses me. I wrap my arms around his neck, moving so that I was on his lap. "What about now?", he asks and I still shook my head.