love you later | yeonbin

038

A couple of days later, Soobin makes good on his promise to visit Taehyun at work. He takes his time to wander the halls, takes in the preparation for the upcoming exhibition. The theme is Connections in Nature, the most beautiful photographs and art pieces lining the walls. It's a little overwhelming for Soobin to look at them, the irony not lost on him when he found and lost connection in the wilderness himself. He's staring at a photograph of two birds with their beaks touching, a beautiful shot that bursts with life and color, when Taehyun walks up to him.

"You know, I saw the rolls of film when you were unpacking. We have some empty slots over here," Taehyun says carefully and gestures towards the left wall which has been left completely blank.

Soobin smiles softly, picks up on the invitation without Taehyun having to say anything else. "I'm not sure. I haven't even looked at them. Dunno if there's anything useful."

Taehyun hums. "Well, you know where the darkroom is if you ever want to find out." He puts his arm on Soobin's shoulder, squeezes gently before his touch disappears and he walks away again, leaving Soobin to his thoughts.

Soobin loves this place. He's spent so much time between the pristine white walls, the big windows facing south making the space feel radiant and welcoming even on the gloomiest days. He has wandered the halls staring at artworks both by himself and other artists alike, has let go of all sense of time, and got lost in the art too many times to count. Soobin is proud of this place, the little community Taehyun has built over the past few years; a place to escape reality, even if just for a few hours. The team was lovely, the work exciting, and even when Soobin didn't actively participate in whatever exhibition was currently lining the walls, he loved organizing and scouting people, loved the tingling excitement of opening doors for an unknown rookie artist.

He feels at home here, has spent days and nights in this place, so his feet travel to his abandoned desk almost automatically. The offices are on the upper floor, more art from previous exhibits on display between desks, and too many plants to count. Soobin has to chuckle when he realizes Taehyun has added to his ever-growing collection in his absence, but for the first time, he thinks he understands.

He travels to the back of the open space where the darkroom is located, something Taehyun had insisted on installing. More than anything, he wanted this to be a safe space, never wanted people to feel like they couldn't pursue their dream just because they didn't have the financial means. And so he had the darkroom built, as well as a little atelier, offering struggling artists a place to create.

Soobin has spent too much time between these four walls himself, had watched the sun sink and rise again while being engrossed in his work. The little lamp next to the darkroom is off, indicating that it's empty, and so Soobin pushes the door open and flicks the light switch. The safelight flickers to life and for a moment he just stands there, inhaling the lingering smell of chemicals. Suddenly, his hands are itching to reach for the bottles standing on the shelves, to get started on developing the rolls of film he had brought back with him.

But those rolls are sitting on the dresser in his living room, and while the desire to get to work rushes through him, he's not quite sure if he's ready yet. He's scared of what he'll find once he works his way through the rolls of film. He knows what he'll find.

There will be photos of nature, of plants and animals and places he's been. But among those, he'll find pictures of cute teeth and flushed cheeks, of hair the colors of the rainbow but always silky soft. And at some point, he'll find pictures of himself too, those rare moments that he actually let his camera be stolen from his grasp. Soobin has always been a visual person, and the thought of seeing the best months of his life mapped out in front of him is absolutely terrifying.

And yet, with a little bit of coaxing, a gentle reminder that he's always welcome at the gallery, he finds himself standing in front of the door to the darkroom mere days later, a bag with the rolls of film in hand. He's rooted to the spot, heart hammering in his chest even though this is far from the first time he's doing this. He's an expert by now, knows his hands will move on autopilot more than anything else, and yet the last step over the doorstep feels insurmountable.

"Soobin?"

Taehyun's voice makes him jump, but he doesn't turn around.

"Hi."

"Did you think about it? Are you here to develop some film?"

"Yes and no," Soobin says and his voice sounds distant, clogged up. "I do want to try... have a look at all the photos I've taken over the past eight months. But I'm not sure I want them on display."

I'm not sure I want my heart on display.

"Alright," Taehyun says with a squeeze to his arm. "Just think about it, then. We have enough time left, I just need to know by the end of the month."

Soobin makes a non-committal sound, his eyes still on the closed door as he listens to Taehyun's footsteps fade away. With a heavy sigh, he grabs the door handle and steps forward until the darkness swallows him whole.