love you later | yeonbin

026

He doesn't notice the moment his thoughts stop spinning, falls asleep before he can even turn the lights off. He's squinting, unsure what it is that has woken him up. Grogginess clings to his mind, his movement slow and it takes him a moment to realize that it isn't the sun shining in his face but the lamp on his nightstand. A look out the window tells him it's still nighttime, the moon high up in the sky and dipping everything into a brilliant shade of silver. He's about to turn the lights off, ready to give in to the grip sleep still has on him, when there's a creaking sound disrupting his movements.

His eyes flicker across the room towards the door. He is sure he had closed it when he went to bed earlier, never sleeps with it open, so within a second, he's. wide awake. It's barely a sliver, but the gap is there.

"Yeonjun?"

The door pushes open and Soobin just barely swallows down the oh burning at the back of his throat. Yeonjun is dressed in an oversized t-shirt, his feet bare and shuffling on the floor. His hair is all over the place, suddenly the softest shade of brown, and when Soobin scans his face there's no doubt that Yeonjun has not gotten a single wink of sleep. He's biting the inside of his cheek, his eyes wide and his hands are clenched into fists at his sides. There's no jewelry left on his body; he had even taken out the little hoop earrings he'd been wearing earlier that day. He looks impossibly soft, but his eyes mirror a sadness, an aching need that Soobin has felt too many times himself.

"You okay?"

Yeonjun opens his mouth, then closes it again. He tries three times before any words make it past his lips.

"You said," he croaks out then clears his throat to try again. "You said I could come to you if I needed anything."

Soobin's eyebrows shoot up in surprise. He should be used to this by now, Yeonjun's soft and hesitant ways of asking for something. It's not like it's the first time. He had asked Soobin to not be alone months ago after Kai had left, had asked him to stay overnight even. Something chips away at Soobin's heart to see the fear that is still so apparent on Yeonjun's face, even though Soobin has never turned him down before.

"Of course. What is it? What do you need?"

"A hug."

It comes out barely above a whisper, sounds more like a question than anything else. The moment the words are hanging in the room between them, Soobin can see Yeonjun backtracking. His eyebrows furrow, his eyes drop to the floor as if he doesn't want to look Soobin in the eyes when he faces rejection.

It never comes.

"Come here," Soobin says and throws back the covers.

Yeonjun's head snaps back up, the look of surprise on his face feeling like little paper cuts on Soobin's heart. The relief is palpable in the way Yeonjun shuffles inside, shuts the door behind him, and then rushes across the room until he's tucked in next to Soobin. As if he's afraid the bubble will burst, and Soobin might rescind his invitation.

They end up lying on their sides facing each other. The bed is smaller than Yeonjun's own, and it's almost impossible to move around without their legs brushing against each other. Yeonjun's breath is coming faster than usual, and Soobin just watches him closely as he tucks his hands underneath his face. That's when the light catches on the ring sitting on Yeonjun's pinky.

Soobin supposes he wasn't quite right when he noticed Yeonjun wasn't wearing any jewelry. But at this point, this ring is almost part of Yeonjun himself, an extension of him that Soobin barely even notices.

"I want to show you something," Yeonjun whispers into the quiet of the room. He's still not looking at Soobin, something that seems almost impossible with how close they are lying.

"Alright."

Yeonjun sighs, his eyes closing all the way as he slips his hands out from underneath his cheek. His hand reaches for the only ring sitting on his finger. It takes Soobin a moment to catch on to the fact that Yeonjun isn't just playing it, twisting it absentmindedly like he's prone to do when he's nervous. He's trying to slip it off.

Soobin's grasp is so quick that it makes Yeonjun's eyes snap open in shock. He stills Yeonjun's hands, covers them up with his own, his heart pounding in his chest.

"What are you doing?" His voice is hoarse with surprise, with anxiety.

"I want to show you something," Yeonjun repeats his words from just seconds before.

Immediately, Soobin starts shaking his head vehemently. "You don't have to."

Yeonjun chuckles, a soft smile pulling at the corners of his lips and it's the first time he doesn't look nervous since he has entered the room. His hand slips out from underneath Soobin's own, reaching out until he can cover Soobin's cheek. His thumb is tracing soft strokes across Soobin's skin, and somehow Yeonjun's touch makes it a little easier to breathe again.

"I know that," Yeonjun says quietly but his voice is firm, sure. "I want to. I want you to know."

Soobin swallows against the lump in his throat, closes his eyes to take a few shuddering, deep breaths. He tries to steel himself against whatever is coming. He doesn't want to make this about himself, doesn't even know why he's so nervous in the first place, but something about this moment feels important, pivotal.

He snaps his eyes open again, tries to read the expression in Yeonjun's gaze. He looks nervous, yes, but there's warmth there, too. Trust.

"Alright," Soobin says and slips his hand away from Yeonjun's.

He doesn't miss the tremor in Yeonjun's fingers, almost feels it reverberating through his own body before he realizes that it's just his own nerves making him jittery. He's been wondering about this for far too long; first, when Yeonjun snapped at him not to touch the ring on his pinky, it had been sheer curiosity - something he felt the itch to ask about but didn't because it didn't feel right. Later, he still wanted to ask but for entirely different reasons. Somehow the small itch of curiosity turned into an aching need to know more about Yeonjun, to learn his story, all chapters included. He'd come up with a million different scenarios - ones in which Yeonjun didn't have a soul string mark, ones in which he did. Now that he is so close to finding out, he can't settle on one that feels the most likely.

Yeonjun's eyes are fixed on Soobin, whose own are following the movement of Yeonjun's hand, finally grasping the ring between his thumb and his forefinger. He can't look away, feels the tension strung tight between his muscles as if contracting them all together. There's a rushing sound in his ears, and he feels more than hears, Yeonjun's shaky exhale of breath as he slips the ring off his finger.

Soobin can't hold back the tiny gasp that leaves his lips when he first gets to look at Yeonjun's empty pinky.