i agree with my husband [ jake x johnnie ]

ch.8

"what is that johnnie?" ha asks again, his voice is shaking.

"those are my scars" i whisper. i was so scared of this moment in my life. i never wanted to tell anyone.

"these are fucking fresh, johnnie! when did you do this to yourself?" a tear is running down his face. i can't tell if he is angry, disappointed or sad. maybe all of the above.

"it doesn't matter" i say. i really think that it's not that big of a deal... i mean not for me. i've been cutting myself since i was 10 or something. "just forget it."

"yeah sure i will! are you out of your fucking mind?" he yells. i can't hold back my tears anymore. not because of my cutting, just because jake is mad at me. i made him disappointed and it's worst than any selfharm i ever did.

i don't want to be in this room anymore, i really have to get out before i break down in a panic attack. i hardly can breath right now. i get up and a try to run to to the door but before i can reach it my legs give up and i fell to the floor. i'm still fucking drunk and i feel fucking pathetic.

"johnnie..." he starts talking but i shush him.

"i don't want to hear it. leave please" i tell him.

"no j-"

"leave me alone, jake" i say and he sighs, he gets up and leaves the room. i feel like shit. i just sit on the floor crying for minutes. eventually i get up and walk towards the bed and lie down. i just stare at the ceiling until a fall asleep.

when i wake up in the middle of the night (i assume, because it's still pitch black outside) i see jake lying next to me. i am suprised that i didn't notice him coming in and the tought that anyone could've walk in scares me. i feel like throwing up, so i get up and go to the bathroom. the hallway is empty now, i can't see a single soul. after i throw up and drink a little water i go back to the guest room. jake is up now, and he is looking at me.

"i don't want to talk" i say immediately.

"we don't have to" he says. i lie back next to him. the both of us just stares at the ceiling. "i'm so sorry... i didn't want to yell like that earlier... i just didn't know how to handle the situation" he says after a few minutes.

"i understand. i didn't know either" i sigh. "can i ask you something?"

"sure" he looks at me.

"don't tell anyone."

"i would never. i'm keeping my mouth shut" he says.

"you never keep you mouth shut" i chuckle a little. it's true tho. jake never shuts up.

"this will be our secret forever, johnnie. we will deal with it. only the two of us" he looks deeply into my eyes. i never heard him talking this serious about anything. "now can i ask you something?" i nod. "since when... when did you start?"

"i don't really remember. i always hurt myself in some way. but i started cutting when my father died." i sigh. i never thought that i would tell this to anyone. but i'm glad jake is the one. he nods. "one more question..."

"go ahead."

"can you cuddle me until a fall asleep?" i ask. i don't feel as embarrassed as i thought i would after asking this. not after today. he smiles and wraps his hands around me. finally i feel calm.

i sleep through the night and when i wake up jake is not in the room anymore. i start to look for my phone but i can't find it, and can't even remember when and where i used it last time. i get up so i can look for jake and ask him to drive me home. i slowly start walking towards the kitchen because a heard voices coming from there.

i was right. jake is there. kissing tara.