Ashamed

CHAPTER 2

It was finally the end of the day. Dazai was so exhausted that he didn't even grab anything. He just left without saying a word. Atsushi was going to say something but kept quiet when he felt that dazai just wanted to be alone. As dazai left, instead of going home, he just decided to do something reckless, not caring for his well-being, so he went to a bar it was kinda crowded, so instead of paying he just took some random drink lying around not caring of who's it is and where it's been. Hello," you come here often~ "said random woman. dazai just looked at her. He knew her intentions and what she wanted, so he just sped past her, jerk..... the woman said. Dazai began to just enjoy his time and just pick up more random drinks he found. He felt like crap. He smelled like crap and honestly looked like crap. By now, he's token about 8 drinks and a pill he found on the floor. Even after all of that,
dazai still felt empty.......

Dazai eventually decided to go home (only because people realized he was taking their drinks, so they beat him and kicked him out while he was heavily drunk). As he was kicked out of the bar, he ended up on the side of the road halfway he was sitting their for a good 30 minutes. He could barely get his thoughts set straight as he groaned in annoyance with the position he was in. I'm on the side of a road, I don't know what time it is, I am heavily drunk, and I have work in the morning. Dazai muttered to himself. After 10 more minutes, he stood up and started to walk slowly but slightly steady.

After a very long struggle of a walk, he managed to reach his apartment he went inside, closed the door, and collapsed onto the cold hard floor. He felt dizzy, and his entire body hurt from head to toe his vision was blurry, and his throat was sore. His whole body was trembling. He was shaking drastically as he tried to crawl to his bed he couldn't even manage to move five centimeters from where he was, so he decided to just rest their for the time being. He felt himself slowly start to drift off as his eyelids got heavier and heavier by the second, and he decided to let the sleep overcome him and doze off into the only place he felt peace.

He woke up, eyes burning, head aching, mouth dry, and shaking a little with pain in his stomach. He looked up at his clock to see that it was only 2am he groaned loudly *just my luck* he muttered under his breath. Dazai put his arms at his side, trying to position himself to get up he pushed but fell face first onto the floor, and he cursed out of irritation, seeing how much of a weak state he was in. Dazai was never vulnerable ever, but if someone were to come in, he'd be an easy target . The thought of him being weak/vulnerable angered him, so he pushed up with everything he had and managed to get on his knees. Dazai was gasping for air due to his uneven breathing because of the amount of strength he used he was exhausted even though he had barely gotten far, but he had to prove to himself that he could take it he had to prove to him..........

Dazai grew more desperately to get up from the thought of them..., so he once again he managed to push once more to stand on his legs. After a few grunts,swear words, and heavy breathing, he finally managed to stand up, not so properly, but it was whatever. After getting up, he tried to walk towards his bedroom. As he began walking, he stumbled but supported himself on a nearby wall. "Maybe I should have just gone home first instead of that bar," dazai said as if he was talking to someone else. He walked with a little more strength, moving faster than last time his movements were shaky and slow. As much as dazai was pushing himself, he still felt like it wasn't enough he felt like he was worthless.... I mean, he could barely walk, see, breathe correctly, or even move. He felt weak.... He honestly just wanted to take the nearest object and kill himself fast, but he couldn't due to him being in an incredibly weak state, so he was forced to keep moving.

After 25 minutes and 46 seconds (Dazai counted), he managed to make it in front of his door. Now, all he had to do was open it and get to his bed, *easy* dazai thought as he went to try to open the door a sudden heavyweight hit him like a brick and once again he face planted on the floor. ARE YOU F*CKINGG SERIOUS RIGHT NOW!!!!!! Dazai yelled as he stayed down on the floor. He was irritated, tired, and angry. all his hard work and his efforts to stay up only to fall back down to the same weak and vulnerable position he was in now mad him feel...

Useless......

Weak.....

Worthless....

Disappointment....

Tool..

These words began spiral through dazai's, head over and over.. fast and faster.. louder and LOUDER!!

Out of nowhere, dazai got a burst of anger his adrenaline kicked in he stood up swiftly and skillfully and kicked the door open he stormed to his bed, and... And.... AND!!!!! Fell onto the bed and went to sleep. He felt numb and tired and honestly just wanted his day to be over he began to drift off and let time pass on its on.

3 hours passed, and it was now 6.30 am. The sun was rising, the light hit dazais's face as it got brighter and brighter, which made dazai slowly. Crack opened his eyelids and gazed upon his surroundings. Suddenly, the memories of last night hit, and so did the hangover with everything happening at once he wincinced in pain and muttered something very inappropriate to say out loud, he then glanced over to see his phone, he picked it up and saw over 100 messages they were all from Yosano, he looked at the top message to see his name in all caps, DAZAIIIII!!!!

that's all for today (i'm leaving yall on a cliffhanger🤭). I hope yall like this chapter. i worked hard and tried to correct all my grammar mistakes as best as i could. If you have any tips, please tell me so I can improve any way. Thanks for reading!