Im not an expert, by any means in romantic endeavors. Ive never been one to express feeling, period. But I do know the truths of it, as I see it and have seen it.
There are 7 types of "I love you"
There is the one you only say when your pushed up against the wall. The one where you have no where left to turn, so you go in the direction of what you think they will want to hear.
You say "I love you" to stop them from imploding, from destroying themselves.
You'll find it works most of the time.
But teetering the line between coping and acting was never your strong suit.
Still, you'll lie, and say
"I love you".
There is the one where you are not allowed to say otherwise.
Whether it's given to you by birth or by the government, a family isn't something you love in a way that automatically makes it consensual.
It's the type of love that screams "I have to love you" instead of "I love to have you".
You have no choice but to call it unconditional, because you expect them to do the same. They'll hurt you, because they're your own flesh and blood. And still, you'll say
"I love you".
Another comes at the time when you're at your lowest, and cannot feel like that for even yourself.
You see it in movies, in shows, in books, and cant bear the thought that you'll never experience it.
You'll go out of your way to search, desperately, for somebody to cling to.
Someone that can take your pain and convert it into those three simple words.
Someone who can love you so that you might not have to love yourself;
Someone that can take time out of you, to make sure you never do.
This one comes from self loathing, and it was never real.
Just a fallacy to cope with your crippling self hatred.
And still, you'll lie and say
"I love you".
This one, similar but distinct to the last, comes when you're expecting it.
It's the most heartbreaking, and idiotic lie you can ever tell.
They love you, with all of themself.
They would die without you.
And you think you would to.
You think you love them with all that makes you human.
But you're not human, you're a walking husk.
And so, unknowingly, you lie when you say
"I love you".
But this... this is where it starts to get good,
Where the stories start to make sense, and nobody has to lie to anybody anymore.
Because the next type is one of happiness
It comes when you know it in your heart,
When no matter what, through thick or through thin, their face penetrates your mind down to the deepest parts of you.
They shine like an aurora, burning holes in your retina.
This love lasts a life time, as it is not fake.
It is a pristine, finely cut gemstone.
And you'll never have to lie every time you say
"I love you".
And the next comes when things seemed great,
When everything was set
And suddenly the clock stopped ticking,
The time left together was gone.
You would wait, you would sit on that grave and wait...
You clung on tightly, to their hands.
You were close enough to smell their soul.
And still they were ripped away from you.
You only had one last chance to say
"I love you"
When all is said and done, it's the things in life we take for granted that we end up regretting losing the most. Maybe theres something to be said about withdrawal, but when it comes to the soul, it's a starvation.
So the last type comes when you cant hold it back anymore, when you cant take it for granted, when your hands wont stop shaking.
You know from experience that theres only so many hours, minutes and seconds left for you to say the things you need to... and so you do.
And you haven't lied in a long time, you've been good at never saying it when you don't mean it, because you know how badly it hurts.
How much of a trap those feelings can be, when they're not honest.
It's a kindness to let them loose, instead of letting them naw their leg off.
When the words exit your mouth, you're paralyzed.
You're shaking, harder than before,
Like the silence woke a dormant animal inside you.
You're sweating and you hope to god they don't notice that your hands are turning their white blankets gray.
You clutch your hands to stifle it.
But the only thing that would bequiet it
Is those words spat back at you.
"I love you"
