Does corruption bleed into me, because I swear I've been pure. Ive been tolerant, never negligent, never tardy, and yet my veins glow a sickly color.
My programmed brain is destined to follow its footsteps in circles searching for an answer to a question it is screaming. "When will I stop following" , "When will I stop chasing my tail", of course when I ask it, I do so in motion. Looking at my feet begging them to halt, to take a break from walking on crooked toes. Round and round I go. It burns my feet into the ground, making a circular ditch I can never promptly enjoy.
When I was younger, I remember sitting in the middle of my circle. And when i sat it was lonely, and i was lonely. And I thought it better to get up and start walking. But instead of walking outward into life, im stuck, in a revolving door of my own cowardice.
Unable to, even for a second, decide on whats best, never making the choice to let go of my control, to deposit it into the hands of someone reckless.
Someone just like me, but older and not so much wiser.
Im scared of him, that person who will one day bleed out of me and take the reins and take my life along with it. Because if i give him an inch, he will erase me.
I feel as young as I ever have, but with the choices of a much older man.
I am not ready for him to be here yet.
I can see his blood, coursing through my veins.
He is unprompted and filled to the brim with spite.
He is hateful at a younger mind, a talented mind, a pure mind, a sweet mind, a caring mind.
He wants to burn me to the ground.
And one day I'll have to let him.
By taking him in, or letting him run across the carpet.
