From The Start

mind in disarray- the tender hear finds a reason to beat

III

Hua Cheng had never been the one to care much about materialistic possessions. Well, he didn't have any to begin with, but his sentiments on the subject were quite clear.

At least this had been the case, until Xie Lian appeared in his life.

Now that Hua Cheng possessed three treasures-a red bracelet bead, a polaroid picture of the person he admired, and a crimson umbrella-he couldn't help but become greedy and fawn over them. It was such an odd combination of items at that, not to mention that the umbrella was merely something he had borrowed, and the bead and the polaroid were technically stolen- they still were extremely important to him.

That night, after promises of meeting again the next day and waving Xie Lian goodbye, Hua Cheng skipped back home with a huge grin plastered on his face. It was hard to believe that he was the same young boy who always walked with his head down, eyes blank and a face devoid of emotions. By the time he was back in his room, his cheek muscles were aching from overuse.

The best, and probably the only good thing about his living situation was that he had his own room. The reason was quite simple-no one wished to share a room with him. In fact, his father hated seeing his face so much that he ordered him to stay locked up in the little storage room, unless it was absolutely necessary for him to come out. In a way, he was like a modern day Harry Potter, only more pitiful and lonely.

After drying himself up, he slumped over his shabby mattress, his mind in a disarray. He felt warm and giddy, his heart was still fluttering with butterflies. Against his better judgement, he took out the polaroid to gaze at Xie Lian's face one last time before retiring to bed. After one guilty glance, he shoved the picture under his pillow. With a brand new blush on his face, he hastily switched off the lights and pulled his blanket over him and tried to sleep.

Sleep. It was something that never came easily to Hua Cheng. On a good night, he would spend hours tossing and turning before he could fall into an uneasy slumber plagued with nightmares.

Ever since Hua Cheng hit the rock bottom after his mother's death, he hadn't been able to sleep a wink. Little by little things spiraled out of his control, until he became a complete mess. Life was monotonous, barely anything could spark his interest.

He was constantly drowning.

He had long since exhausted all energy to splash about and swim out to the shore. All he could do was try his best to float.

He spent each day going about his routine robotically. Even when he could not find the energy to live, he would still ruthlessly push his body to its limit and continue with the day. As long as he kept himself busy, he would not fall apart.

Nights were difficult. With only himself and his thoughts for company, how could he possibly distract himself? His mind would start blaming him, whispering all of his self-doubts, urging him to do... things.

Hua Cheng was scared out of his mind.

Thus instead of retiring to bed, the young boy began busying himself with his schoolwork and academics until he would exhaust himself to the point of passing out. It was ruthless and difficult, but effective nonetheless.

He was so busy trying to survive each day as it came that he had forgotten how pitifully lonely he had become. Sure he hated people and their company, but he hated himself and being all alone even more. What should he do with himself? Who should he seek? Where can I go?

Is there a place in this world where he would be freed from his misery?

There was. In the presence of a certain boy, the only boy in the world, for there could be no other like him.