𝗠𝗬 𝗣𝗘𝗥𝗦𝗢𝗡 | 𝗝𝗨𝗗𝗘 𝗕𝗘𝗟𝗟𝗜𝗡𝗚𝗛𝗔𝗠

21.

Harmony

Sadness its inevitable.

Everyone gets sad at least once in their life.

Sadness makes us human. Sadness can make us empathetic and sadness can make us kind.

I feel sad when I think of Jude.

Before, my heart would hurt. I could psychically feel it tearing in my chest. And that would just be because I missed him.

Because how we ended left me distraught and even so much as thinking about him made me feel like I was dying. My heart and head were heavy.

Now. It's different.

Now I feel sad for him.

Knowing he went through so much alone. Hearing how he thinks of himself. Weak if he's emotional. Not good enough. He views himself as someone destructive when he's the opposite.

I wish he saw himself from my eyes.

I wish he saw how happy he makes people. How his presence alone can calm people.

I felt nothing but safe when I was with him.

That doesn't change now that we're not together.

I still feel that safety. I know that he'd never not protect me. I know that us being broken up doesn't change how he is towards me. He still treats me with care and kindness.

I have so much hope for him.

I want him to be happy. I want him to start viewing himself as someone who isn't this monster that hurts people. I want him to finally see how we all see him.

Our future is quite blurry. I don't know what's going to happen with us. I don't know where we'll end up. But right now, I'm happy that we've gotten to a place where we can be friends.

The hardest thing about the break up, was the feeling that a part of me was missing. He was so much more than just my boyfriend. He was my safe place. My home.

A part of me felt empty when we ended things. I walked away from that house feeling like I'd left my heart there.

Tucked away in his hands.

Since our conversation, I keep thinking back to our relationship. Trying to piece together what the ending would be if I had known what he was going through.

How much would be different? Where would we have ended up?

Part of me feels like we would of made it. We would of still been together now. Happy.

And another part of me feels like, this happened for a reason.

I don't think I believe in coincidences.

I'm a firm believer in everything happens for a reason. The why, we don't always find out instantly, but when we do, it all makes sense.

Jude and I meeting, was no coincidence.

It was set up to seem like it was. But it wasn't.