finding happiness

searching

george walks down the hall and turns back into the kitchen, smiling over at wilbur when the brunette holds out a drink towards him.

wilbur is leaning against the kitchen counter, bent at his hips as he presses his shoulders down into the marble. he has his own drink in hand, sipping slowly at it, and the few spirits they had been stupidly mixing are sitting in the centre of the counter just a few centimetres away from the other brunette's arm. "thirsty?"

george grins, but it doesn't feel quite real. "always," he jokes, reaching over to take the drink from the other. wilbur scoffs out a laugh as he passes it, the two of them silently cheersing before each taking a long swig.

george can tell his drink has been mixed with gin. he doesn't like gin but he's going to drink it anyway, because they're having fun so why not?

george isn't even sure why they are drinking. they met up earlier today to film a vlog of them just hanging out together and it was fun enough that they decided to head back to wilbur's and keep hanging out even without the cameras rolling. somehow, watching catch-up britain's got talent had turned into taking a shot every time a buzzer was pressed and, somehow, they didn't even get through one episode before that had turned into just drinking for fun.

now it's safe to say they're both sloshed and with absolutely no good reason.

"you took your time," wilbur comments as he takes his drink away from his lips, placing it back down on the counter with a soft clink.

"i did?" george asks. he was stuck in his head, sure, but he doesn't feel like it took him any longer than usual.

wilbur shrugs, moving his drink slightly and watching it slosh in the glass. "maybe i'm just an impatient drunk," he shrugs again, smiling to himself.

george smiles too, "maybe."

wilbur looks up, his eyes dancing over the brit, taking him in with a soft squint. george wonders if he is appraising him like he had done in the mirror. he wonders if wilbur is seeing the same mess of a man that he did.

"what kind of drunk are you?"

george shrugs even before processing the question. he steps to the side, leaning against the counter with a hum.

he lets his gaze trail all around the room before he finally looks back at wilbur and answers, "i have no idea."

wilbur laughs, presumably because it took george far too long to not come up with an answer, and george laughs too just because he can. "i think you're one of those drunks that have conversations in their head," wilbur observes while his laughter trails out to nothing more than a smile. "like, you leave big silences but they're not really silent for you because there's so much going in on your mind."

george thinks it through for a moment, passing around the idea in his head. he supposes wilbur is right, he does seem to think more when he is drunk, and he does seem to trap himself in his thoughts and forget to reach out to the world before him.

"you're doing it now."

george looks at wilbur, makes sense of what his friend said, and then laughs again. "yeah, i am," he confirms even though wilbur already knows.

george vaguely notices that he feels okay right now. it's a fleeting feeling, one that he knows will pass just as quickly as it dawned upon him but, for this moment, there is a goodness in his chest. it only lasts for a second before he realises that thinking about it makes it go away, and then his body feels sort of cold again.

he looks through his mind, trying to find what he just lost, but it's far gone once more, lost beneath the rest of his loud thoughts.

the pseudo-happiness came so naturally with the help of alcohol and one of his best friends, yet george can never seem to make himself happy when he really needs it. he can't bring the emotion upon himself like others seem to and, when he does feel it, it goes so quickly that he forgets how it feels in seconds.

"what's happening in your head now then?" wilbur asks, pulling george out of the loop and forcing the brunette's attention back on the brit opposite.

"do you think you can find happiness?" george answers the question with one of his own. he knows happiness is out there, but he can't help but contemplate if it is something you can go searching for, or if it is only something that comes to you naturally.

george feels like he's been looking for a long time, but maybe it's happiness that needs to be looking for him.

"what do you mean?"

george's eyes focus on wilbur and he can read the concern seeping off his friend's gentle features. his brows are pulled together, creasing the skin between them, and his lips are every so slightly downturned at the edges, like he is trying and failing to hide how he is feeling.

"nothing, i don't know," george lies, forcing a laugh to make it sound realer, "i've confused myself."

wilbur squints slightly, like he doesn't quite believe him, "you sure?"

"yeah," the brunette nods, smiling, "just forget i said anything."

[:

and i'm back!!

i'm going to be posting every other day because i'm honestly still not actually ready to be back but i promised to come back today and i don't break my promises!

i hope you enjoyed this first chapter <3

thoughts? theories?

see you monday!

i love you always

-kit