The promise of Trix

Jam

Phoebe

I bolt upright with a gasp, my heart pounding in my chest. Fucking nightmares. My hair is drenched with sweat that smells like undiluted fear. I turn my head to the left and Asher is still asleep oblivious to my inner turmoil. These nightmares are more like memories, the worst part about serving is the constant film in my dreams of the worst parts; explosions, gunfire and dust I can handle it's the screaming that gets me. Whenever I hear a scream, It jolts me back and the scar on my left shoulder burns in remembrance.

Flashback

The golden grimy dirt hard under my boots, the smouldering heat from my weapon in my hand from the blaring sun above and Cap shouting orders to stay alert. We'd got intel that Azad Maharia and his cell of infidels consisting of forty men were holed up in the abandoned warehouse in front. We'd been following him for two months trying to catch a glimpse of the man behind the massacre of two villages. He's evil plain and simple hiding behind his religion to disguise his callous nature. Islam is a beautiful religion and he has hijacked it to suit his own needs. The aftermath of his massacre flashes through my mind, bodies consisting of men, women and children piled atop of each other like discarded trash. The smell of burning hay, old copper pennies and death overwhelm the area. All because of us, the villages appreciated our presence and accepted much needed medical supplies and vaccines for the children. My squad only visited once, we are more infantrymen and the ones the higher ups send us in when there's trouble. Not so much the humanitarian squad, we get shit done. All of us handpicked as we excel in particular areas but are very good with weapons, we received additional training to be a part of this squad and it's highly classified, my family, Ash and Janie think I'm a regular soldier unknown to them were more of a hit team. Twelve of us vs forty of them are great odds considering our training and record.
Anyway back to the warehouse. It's run down and desolated standing three stories tall, all windows are missing the glass and the large metal double doors are hanging off their hinges. We're in formation as we approach the doors; Cap at the front followed by Snipe, Sully,   Jam, Spunk, me, Potter, Doc, River and Bro taking up the rear. Nicknames are used if you haven't guessed. Cap orders Snipe and Sully to break away to provide sniper cover from a far. We sit and wait until Sully cackles over the comms.
"Snipes in position, providing cover back entrance blocked one way in and out. over." I release the breath I was holding I always get tingles before a firefight the adrenaline is like a drug. Cap signals us forward, he and Jam enter first, two breaths later Spunk then me follow. Spunk splitting to the left with Cap and me to the right with Jam. It's dark and dimly lit the only light from the exposed windows, I do a quick assessment as I hear Potter and Doc come in behind me. The mezzanine balcony looks empty at first glance covered in boxes, until I see a shadow. I raise my weapon ready to call out as I'm barged hard from the left side. Gunshots blare all around me. I hit the floor with a thump my helmet cladded head rebounding off the dusty concrete it's flows up like a mushroom into the air. I'm stunned a second until I'm firing up from the floor my gun unleashing bullets at the targets above. I can faintly hear Doc shouting through the comms. I see a man from the corner of my eye running behind Cap I fire a bullet straight into the centre of his forehead and he falls back to the ground.
"Man down!" Shit who's down?
I turn back and see what barged me, Jam is on the ground his hands holding his chest and bright red liquid is seeping through his fingers. I dive through the lads trying to get to my saviour, it dawns on me he pushed me to the side he took my bullet and by the head height difference would of been a headshot for me. Game over.
I cradle his head as water leaks from my eyes, shit I'm crying. They're never going to let this down little Pheephee is a girl after all.
"You're okay. You're okay you big bloody idiot." I shout as I cover his hands with my own. The gun fire fades from my mind my eyes focused on Jams drooping green ones. They're not as bright as mine they're more murky like a dark green but they're kind they're always kind like him. His mousy blonde hair is sweaty peeking from his helmet I push it back in, he should really get it cut it's against regulations to let it get too long, in case of it obstructing our view. But he loves his appearance and hogs the mirror whenever he can. The vain twat. He knows he's a pretty boy. He coughs a wet gurgle sound and blood spurts from his mouth. I can hear Cap shouting at me, I've left my self vulnerable we never break during a firefight and my gun is on the floor to my side. Doc slides on his knees to us and starts to pull Jams body armour off him to assess the damage.
"Pheephee you need to cover us." I'm staring blankly at the blood leaking through our hands until I'm violently shook from Doc. I look up into his grey eyes he's serious this is bad.
"Fucking cover us or all three of us will be 5 feet under!" I shake off my daze and unholster my secondary weapon a small pistol I look up in time to see him. The others around me are reloading, there's no other infidels left other than the remaining two atop the mezzanine. Azad that cunt is ready to retreat knowing he's lost. His second Isari is pulling his arm trying to get him to flee. Fuck that. I lift the gun and fire a shot hitting Isari straight in the chest, Azad eyes fly to mine and i smile a lethal smile all straight white teeth a dentist would cream over. Fuck you sir. I fire three shots in succession two in the chest one in the head.
I sit back on my hunches the lads have surrounded Jam, Cap is throwing me lethal eyes im in trouble, he's talking fast through the satellite phone to base requesting immediate med evac. I turn back to jam he's smiling at me and gives me a cheeky wink.
I crawl to him and grab his hand.
"Thank you. You saved me." He just smiles again his teeth coated in blood making him look menacing.He clears his throat as Doc continues to work on him, piling gauzes upon gauzes on his chest I can still see the blood soaking them through.
He rasps in a quiet voice I strain to hear.
"Jared." He coughs as I squeeze his hand tighter before clearing his throat.
"Te-te-tell Jar-Jared," he breathes a wet rattling breath before continuing, "he owes me a wedding." I smile at him remembering Jams fiancé Jared home in Manchester waiting for him. They're the most beautiful in love couple and I can't wait to be their bridesmaid. I nod as more tears leak from my eyes. Jam squeezes my hand one last time as his eyes close for the final time and his chest deflates with his last breath. Sully starts desperate chest compressions and Doc places his hands over his.
"He's gone. The bullet nicked an artery, there was nothing we could have done." As his words register I let out a wail that turns into an ear piercing scream. This is my fault. He saved me. That bullet was mine. I begin slapping the floor with a closed fist my heart in agony over my friend no my fallen brother of the past four years. Spunk wraps his arms around me engulfing me in a hug as I continue to cry for my friend. Sully pulls back and notices the blood tingeing my gear near my shoulder. I didn't even notice it.
"Fuck Pheephee you've been hit." Doc rushes over and begins pulling at my gear but I'm just sat sharing at Jams lifeless form. God bless you Jamie Hutton my saviour, friend and Brother.

When we got back to base, Cap rushed off to fill in the boss men of the mission success whilst the rest of the squad followed me to get stitched up. Success? How could have it been a success when one of my brothers is on a slab in the morgue. That's not a success. I sit in a daze over the next couple of hours, I sit numbly through my bollocking off the Cap as he reminds me how stupid I was abandoning the fight and leaving my self vulnerable but then how lucky I am to be here. Three days after the mission were all granted leave to travel back to the UK with Jams coffin. I don't remember those days or the days leading up to the funeral. I know Asher offered to accompany me but I needed this time to myself. He doesn't know this Phoebe and I'd like to keep this version away from him he's the light and I don't want my darkness to inflict him.
The first conscious memory of the time is Jared and all of his six foot three frame engulfing me in a hug on the morning of Jams funeral. He crinkled my uniform but I didn't care, I was numb. I was living but I wasn't alive. Cap led the coffin whilst Spunk, Sully, Doc, Potter, Bro and river carried him. Snipe and me followed behind. The service was beautiful but upon the coffin a photo of Jam and Jared on the day of their engagement haunted me. I stole their wedding, I stole his life. After the funeral Jared pulled me aside. His arms resting on my shoulders, his eyes red rimmed from the tears he'd shed for his fiancee.
" I see it in your eyes, you blame yourself and you need to stop." I choke back a sob trying to breathe through my emotions.
"It is my fault! That bullet was mine Jared. It was my time not his! He was going to be your husband you should hate me." My shoulders shake with my uncontrollable sobs I'm utterly heartbroken fuck knows how he feels.
Jared takes a deep breath before unloading on me
"Yes he was going to be my husband, so of course I knew him and I knew without a doubt he'd take that bullet again even knowing that means him dying. That was just the person he is er I mean was. He would have done anything for the people he loved and you Pheephee he loved you like a sister as do I. So as our sister we need you to live. We need you to not let him die for nothing. Make a life for yourself and start living not only for the fight and the bullets but your life! This should be your wake up call that the bullets and the fight can actually end you. Jam was always worried you loved it too much. But maybe this shows you it's time to move on. So find a man, get some good dick and maybe name your first born son Jamie." He finishes on a laugh and I can't help but join him. Him and Jam were a match made in heaven. So I promise Jared and send a silent prayer to jam that I promise to start living my life.