“is everything okay?”
“Yeah, everything's perfect.” I responded trying to hide the fear in my voice.
“then why do I feel you pulling away?” Kain beckoned,“did I do something I shouldn't have done?”
“no....”
“then don't tell me you have any regrets Dimitri, okay, it would break my heart.”
“Things are just so complicated now....I don't know...”
“you don't know what love?” he asked as he tucked a stray strand of hair behind my ear.
“my body and yours are like lock and key.”
I felt a shiver run down my spine.
“tell me you feel it too Dimitri....I wanna be with you.. okay?”
“i uh, gotta go.” I said simply, grabbed my phone, and tried to bolt out but he grabbed my arm.
“look at me in the eyes, and tell me you don't feel this insane attraction as well.”
“i....”
“tell me Dimitri.”
I flung his arm off me.
“okay...you want me to tell you? Tell you what...I'm living with a fucking psycho? That I'm broken and I'm always trying to please people I don't even know? That i hate myself. Every inch of my body makes me wanna throw myself on the highway. I'm flunking classes and I don't know what the fuck I'm gonna do....I....”
I was surprised when his big body engulfed me in a hug. His stubble tickled my forehead. And he kissed my bird's nest hair. But Jake....I just couldn't....
I pushed him away.
“let's not complicate things.” I said simply.
“let me drive you home atleast.”
With my sore self, I couldn't say no to that.
‡‡
The moment I saw 7 missed calls from Jake Oliver, I knew I was fucked. Jake wasn't a person who called often, but when he did, he meant business. I wondered what he needed though. He was often out late himself and I doubted sometimes he even knew we were in the same room.
The drive was silent and awkward. Not to mention this was the day all the radio stations decided to talk about love, to play romantic songs and what not. I swear if I have to listen to "the one that got away" again I'll have a panic attack.
“did I do something to make you mad?” he asked,“like crossed some invisible boundary?”
“no.”
“then why are you so cold towards me Dimitri....?”
He was interrupted by the shrill ringing of my phone. All the hair on my skin stood up, as i answered it. But it wasn't Jake. Infact, the number wasn't in my contacts and for a brief moment, I considered the fact that it might be Jake, trying to trick me. Which was a chance I was willing to take.
“Hello?” I called out meekly.
“Are you Dimitri Dodd?”
The voice on the other end was a soft and airy woman's voice which kinda had an authoritative edge to it.
“Yes, I am...”
“is your father Tom Dodd by any chance?”
I swallowed a huge gulp of saliva. What did he do this time?
“yeah, he's my dad.”
“well, he's been involved in a terrible accident.....” she began,“wait, are you driving right now?”
“no, someone's driving me....”
“okay,” she said,“well, your dad has been shot....”
“Shot?! By who?”
“well, it is unknown but.....he's in the intensive care unit in very critical condition....”
“i asked you a fucking question, who shot my dad?!”
She sighed,“we honestly don't know son...but we'll do our best to find out.”
After that it was purely business, asking if he had insurance, and shit like that and directing me to the hospital he might be in, which was a two hour drive away. And the way things are going, I might opt for the bus instead.
“Dimitri, is everything okay?”
“do things look Tickety boo to you Kain? Huh?!” I sighed,“i'm sorry, didn't mean to snap at you like that.”
“come on Dimitri, we are a team right? Tell me, maybe I can help.”
“no you can't.” I said.
“nobody can help me at this point.”
I wanted to curl up into a ball and die. Intensive care unit? Are you fucking kidding me?!
Of course this only happens when you have a massive argument with your father and you are yet to apologize for it.
“Mitri,” he said, in a way that his voice cracked, and it fucking killed me.
“i'm here for you, you don't have to go through this alone .... alright?”
I was struggling to breathe. Lots of questions were criss crossing my mind at this point. Who shot my dad! And why?
But one question was at the back of my mind. What if he dies? Without me saying some kind of goodbye, without me apologizing for our fallouts?
What do I do then?
I was even begining to suspect myself and my utter loathe for him and his stupid ethics. Maybe I sleep walked and killed him. Maybe I didn't mean to do it. Maybe I....
Sure he was a conceited, narcissistic man, but he still is and always will be my dad. The man who watched me grow, watched me lose my first tooth, encouraged me as I took my first step into the world.
All my hate for him suddenly... disappeared.
I didn't even notice Kain has stopped the car.
He grabbed my hand softly.
“i hate seeing you sad, don't shut me out...tell me what you need.”
“i need...” I began, tears freely flowing down my cheeks.
“us to stay here, in silence, not saying anything, not doing anything, cuddled up in your arms.”
“that sounds great baby.”
And he did just that. He held me, didn't push me away as I drenched his shirt in my tears.
“there you go Dimitri, let it all out.”
“you are so strong baby, so fucking strong....”
“no...I'm not.”
“of course you are.....you are so strong dimitri.”
He kissed my hair.
“you really have no idea how beautiful you are....”
“my strong little Dimitri.”
Maybe I was stronger than I seemed.
And braver than I believed.
